barrage friday in idea barrages

1.) Dear Marvel, we demand a scene where Downey & Cumberbatch’s characters solve a problem together & Hiddleston quips “Aren’t you a couple of Sherlock Holmes?” Bonus points if Pratt says “I get that reference!” & Evans winces at him.

2.) I just realized that the Utica-Rome area could be referred to as “Ute-Ro” and I am wondering why anyone would say “Mohawk Valley” or whatever when you could say “Ute-Ro”?

3.) They thought it would be a quick geometry lesson but things ended up protracted.

4.) So many of the things worth being thankful for are under attack by a conglomeration of racists, con-men & fundamentalist cranks backed by foreign dictators and vainglorious tech douches. Enjoy your turkey with your fam tomorrow then come back out swinging. We got a world to win.

5.) two-hundred-eighty/letters on Twitter sucks but/allows most haiku

6.) Really, “Frere Jacques” is insanely metal for a kids song, masked only by being in French. There are probably like seventeen Slayer songs about asking someone if they’re sleeping but they’re actually a plague corpse. “Ring Around The Rosie”, man, even worse.

7.) Some people say “medication not meditation!” Some people say “meditation not medication!” I say “WHY NOT BOTH?”

8.) If you must make a Christmas-themed porn, at least call it “Santa Claus Is Going To Town”.

9.) It is unfortunate how similar the phrases “I can barely contain my excitement” and “I can barely contain my excrement” are.

10.) Don’t watch the new Rick and Morty Thanksgiving short about Mr. Poopybutthole’s family album unless you want to be filled with regret and intense awareness of your loved ones’ mortality and tearing up at 4 in the AM like a sentimental idiot.

11.) Some band in Utica should put out an album called “City Noise” and take the cover photo in front of the street sign at the corner of City and Noyes.

12.) Conan The Hipster Barbarian worships the god Krombucha.

13.) One’s a cop with intense OCD. The other’s a cop with temporal lobe brain damage. Together they are… Set It and Forget It.

14.) It always disappoints me that Carfax is about getting facts on your car, not an ax wielded by an alien warrior race called The Carf.

15.) I like to think that Frost Giants have the STD “pubic penguins” in the same way humans have pubic lice.

16.) I had a dream last night where legitimate leadership was returned to the American government. It was a trying imperfect process but it was beautiful. It was glorious. It was America made great for once. I am looking forward to that.

17.) Ah, that cherished #MacysParade tradition, the running of the stars of lesser NBC shows of which I have never heard.

18.) Tis the season we accept you, gabba gabba hey, gabba gabba hey hey, one of us in all that you do, gabba gabba hey, gabba gabba hey hey.

19.) Hey, remember when Gwen Stefani pretended she was punk until she could be possessed by The Madonna Force and make pop crap? Good times, good times, #MacysParade.

20.) I wonder how many Magassholes saw a song in Spanish on the #MacysDayParade and were like “BOYCOTT SOUR PATCH KIDS, RABBLE RABBLE”.

21.) Legally speaking, I think you should no longer be able to call a male vocal pop group a “boy band” once the majority of the group are over 25. It’s just kinda creepy. #MacysDayParade

22.) It really is interesting how Thanksgiving has evolved into, like, just spring-training for Christmas. #MacysDayParade

23.) I’m old enough to remember back when youtube was called “America’s Funniest Home Videos” and Tinder was called “numbers on bathroom walls”.

24.) I will never cease my wonderment at how similar sombreros and flying saucers look.

25.) I don’t know if it is the best marketing plan to sell a line of fancy candies with a name pronounced interchangeably with “Lint”. “Whacha eating there?” “Lint! It’s really good!”

26.) You’re not “vomiting wine and stuffing” your family is just “experiencing feedback”.

27.) The best way to describe me is that I always crushed on Velma and never understood the Daphne thing. Had Velma been like 6‘1, totally my dream girl.

28.) Surprisingly, giving the most power in the world to the worst person on Earth hasn’t worked out very well.

29.) I’m thankful as hell for my family, my friends and the opportunities I have in the regional arts scene. The world situation is utterly borked but we can get the bastards yet. Happy Thanksgiving.