n19 in idea barrages

1.) If I was the pilot who sky-wrote his meat and potatoes up in the blue, I simply would’ve kept saying it was just a failed attempt at a cowboy hat. In 2017, the press is so credulous gullible, they would’ve bought it or at least played along, too afraid to call anyone on anything.

2.) On Bizarro World, Phil Collins had a hit record called “Yes, Jacket Required”.

3.) When you park multiple cars in the same spot by putting them all at slightly different vibrational frequencies, that’s parallel-universe parking.

4.) The weirdest parody I could ever write would probably be “I smell sex and Gandhi here”.

5.) Human beings aren’t born as selfish cruel trash, we’re born just wanting to work together through this confusing existence without a whole lot of pain. A culture that encourages greedy and cruel actions tricks some of us into thinking that its natural and right but no, it isn’t.

6.) We already have time travel, it’s called memory. It’s just we’re all so spoiled (myself included) that we think we also have the right to change things when we go back there too.

7.) I still can’t figure out if fame and fortune ruin you or if the only people with the psychotic ability to sacrifice everything for fame and fortune get them, so that they can get away with their awful drives but lately it looks like one or the other.

8.) Getting older is hitting your head on a metal pipe in the basement (because this world was designed for midgets) but barely even noticing the pain in your skull because the whiplash wrenched your lower back exponentially worse than the dent in your forehead.

9.) Develop a new stronger kind of steroid and pitch it to people as “steroids… ON STEROIDS”.