all hallows eve eve barrage in idea barrages

1.) The fake president was so excited when he heard someone was giving out Peeps for Halloween. Then? Disappointed.

2.) Ridgewood Queens should advertise with the slogan “Ridgewood! For EVERYONE’S Pleasure!”

3.) In last night’s nightmare, I was in some kind of media internship programme, a vengeful assistant burned down the boss’s office with a lightsabre and I summoned the good Reverse Beetlejuice to undo the damage but then my own laptop blew up and you can’t summon Reverse Beetlejuice twice in a day. There is something wrong with my nightmares.

4.) Don’t listen to her, she didn’t join the Mile High Club, she just got her head in the clouds.

5.) Too late to write a Halloween parody of “You’re So Vain” about eating your brain with the line “cream in my coffin, cream in my coffin”.

6.) It appears Jim from The Office wanted to film here because Little Falls can look abandoned with minimal extra set dressing. Go us?

7.) If you’re gonna talk about Weinstein abusing power to get away with rape but still support Julian Assange, understand you are a hypocrite.

8.) Heard a great term for “Christians” who don’t act on Jesus’s compassion, just want a tribal identity: “Churchians”. I’mma start using that.

9.) How is there not a Star Wars Holiday Special satire called “Glad Tidings: The Sharknado Holiday Special”?

10.) Version of “A Christmas Carol” where Scrooge argues he’s not 1/100th as bad as Trump &, upon watching that awful history, the Spirit leaves.