s30 in idea barrages

1.) Calling “Saranac Thursdays” “the Sarnac Pit” is a very niche-specific joke.

2.) There’s multiple musicals about Jesus being a hippie but none about Jesus being a beatnik, which would really be more interesting.

3.) You know that Japanese lucky-cat statue with the waving arm? Why not one of those except it’s Battle-Cat from He-Man?

4.) Why call it “telepathy” when you could call it “emote control”?

5.) More proof the world is terrible: no Munsters Energy Drink for Halloween.

6.) Your joke involving Dentene Ice Gum and Vagina Dentata has been: APPROVED.

7.) “A snake and it’s saying something scary!” is about as juvenile and literal minded a flag as writing “RACISM IS COOL” on a stupid red hat.

8.) I went to a K-Mart going out of business sale to mourn a kind of America that has passed, maybe no less evil in its consumerism but certainly less invasive, when at least the rich people worried about making money off you twenty years hence not just this quarter, when at least the rich people who owned everything lived in a mansion at the edge of town instead of in a technobunker 2,000 miles away in Silicon Valley or Bentonville Arkansas. Mr. Potter in ITS A WONDERFUL LIFE would be small potatoes, lost and aghast at the Trumpian vulture capitalists today. An older evil that at least had a sense of time and place, that could still co-exist with small business instead of killing it to get another stock tick. I got my first He-Man there, my GI Joes, my bicycles, a measure of my clothes. Godspeed, K-Mart, godspeed long-gone lunch-counter, godspeed blue lights, godspeed garden centre. The monsters were smaller back then and the monsters knew when they were full, the monsters back then knew that you could only eat so many villagers if you wanted them to make more villagers you could eat in 18 years. In retrospect, there were spaces to escape them, then, and good times to be had. I went to a K-Mart going out of business sale to mourn a way of life I grew up in and thought was always going to be. Then I went home, past the Warmart selling smiles and flags and guns all made in China, to prick my hands and check my blood sugar because I am changing too.

Last updated September 30, 2017