s25 in idea barrages

1.) Whenever people talk about safe sex I always hear Marge Simpson saying “Lisa Needs Braces!” & Lenny saying “Dental Dam!” over & over again.

2.) My pitch for a funeral home sitcom is just the title “MOURNING PEOPLE” but it’s already funnier than all 35 seasons of BIG BANG THEORY.

3.) What a surprise, the fake president wants a team of Russian-born white guys to visit but not a team of American-born black men.

4.) A parody of the Traveling Wilburys “End of the Line” “Friend of a Mime” would continue my streak of songs for old people.

5.) I love when people call athletes who worked their asses off ‘entitled millionaires’ when the team owners inherited billions from Dadsy.

6.) I will never understand people who are motivated by being told they can’t do something. Twisting yourself up inside is no hill to die on.

7.) This nightmare shouldn’t have been a nightmare. I had cut work and used someone else’s house to throw a massive multi-day party, all kinds of cool stuff was going on, friends from all phases of my life, music and art and beautiful women, both real and imagined, some of them even interested in me. But I spent the whole dream worried about when I was gonna get fired from work, worried about when the owners of the house would show up, worried worried worried, and couldn’t enjoy a thing. All I could think about was the debt of bad fortune I would have to pay. The nightmare shouldn’t have been a nightmare, my anxiety made it so.

8.) Your golf porno will be called “The Legend of Bugger Vance”.

9.) “Don’t read too much into this!” becomes bad Fantastic Four fan fiction with just two extra commas.