july14 in idea barrages

1.) If you go to a disco in Krakow, are you Pole dancing?

2.) Twenty thousand years ago, when I was a hunter and this dog-thing was a grey wolf at my side, our neuroses made us alert and better hunters and kept us alive when others died to sabrecats and fuzzy elephants and whatnot. Today, now that we are both just fat hairy things in a world that makes no sense, our lingering neuroses are just burdens that make us twitchy and ill-at-ease.

3.) Last night’s nightmare was about being trapped in a Moebius-strip of a mall from which there was no escape and eventually I got stuck as a security guard at the last Applebees before the heat-death of the universe but… the laws of time and space were warped inside the mall so the heat-death of the universe wasn’t going to save me any time soon.

4.) Oh, facebook, suggesting I add a facebook friend with a bunch of mutual friends and she’s cute, just to set me up for disappointment. JERK.

5.) There must have been a porno mag named DADDY at some point. Get two different months and you can legally lay claim to DADDY issues.

6.) DoJ now stands for Donald’s Old Jackoffs.

7.) Don’t call it “butt stubble”. Call it “poppyseed buns”.

8.) Some of those indoor rock-climbing/bouldering walls from afar just look like the under of a desk half covered in gum.