422 in idea barrages

1.) Eating so much corn you start throwing up and hallucinating is called Iowaska.

2.) If you repair the bottom of your shoe, is that a sole patch?

3.) Any time you use “2-D” to describe “two dimensional” I imagine that you’re talking about Tootie from The Facts Of Life.

4.) Is social media just people-hoarding? Stuffing your mind with tenuous connections to others until there’s nowhere to walk in your head?

5.) If something, like Peeps, are their best when kinda stale, is that then still stale or does that mean “fresh” Peeps are merely unripened?

6.) Delivering 22 straight minutes of Simpsons quotes in front of your family and community is an important part of your bart mitzvah.

7.) If it matters in any kind of real way there is no quick fix for it if it matters in any kind of meaningful way there is not an app for that.

8.) At some point after forty or fifty years in Tron World, you’re gonna have a grid life crisis.

9.) A food processor takes a raw thing and grinds it down to its pulpy essence, a word processor should really do the same.

10.) naustalgia: the pukey feeling you get when you’re living in the past and your body is trying to fight it

11.) “Well of course he didn’t know a magical alien,” they’ll say, “but the texts show clearly that the historical Batman fought against crime.” Was Catwoman his lover or just a follower of the historical Batman? Could their descendants walk amoungst us still today?

12.) All the beans are ground in this small cafe, (placeholder lyrics), cappuchino dreamin’ on such a winter’s day

13.) I miss when there was nothing between the end of the Late Late Show and the start of the Farm Report. But we aren’t recorking that bottle.

14.) Only on social media is the statement “I AM FOLLOWING YOU NOW” flattering and monetizable instead of deeply unnerving.

15.) You’ll bite a radioactive mustard seed. You’ll become The Emulsifier. In a movie your power would suck but in this world, any power is cool.

16.) Comedy friends, if you’re ever on SNL, just promise me your “wacky pose” in the credits will be vomiting into an alleyway. Promise me that.

17.) Recontextualize JULIUS CAESAR as a play about a Mexican drug cartel so he can say “and you, esse?” so the crowd can start a U S A chant.

18.) Sure, love is a battlefield. Granted. But what the song neglects to mention is… well… so is everything else.

19.) Will everything be “unicorn-spice” in two months? Will everything be “pumpkin-unicorn” in four? “Pumpikorn”?

20.) Can’t imagine things that aren’t yet if you’re not a little crazy. Can’t make them real if you’re not a little sane. Be… mentally-liminal.

21.) Did you use marijuana-infused vodka to make a Buddy Mary yesterday?

22.) One point of similarity between the monsters of the alt-reich and the monsters of the gig economy is they both love Ubermentions.

23.) Friedrich Nietzscheese: Munster or Ubermunster

24.) The drug sniffing dog was rightly ostracized by his brethren. “I smell beggin’ strips!” they would bark then turn away.

25.) Oh to be, oh to be, Mycroft in Diogenes, no words to speak, all the words you can see, with a purpose but nothing else bothering me.

26.) The first part of crossfit is pretty easy but getting that second wrist nailed in without anyone else’s help, that’s a bitch.