march capstone in idea barrages

1.) Your album of Dylan covers in the voice of Freddy Kreuger will be called “Exile On Elm Street”.

2.) If nothing else, this drives a stake into the heart of that myth that “businessmen would govern better” than experienced public servants.

3.) Less content, more contentment.

4.) Less end times, more mend times.

5.) Your movie about falling in love with a nun will be called “She’s Got A Habit”.

6.) Name your craft beer “Mondays Ale” so that you can say “Someone’s got a case of the Mondays!”

7.) If you’re not sure if you want to look at a bunch of trees or not, you go to the arbitrarium.

8.) I am honestly surprised that The Game Show Host hasn’t pardoned O.J. Simpson, just to mess with everyone.

9.) Technically, you can use any kind of pencil on a Scantron, it’s just if you do, the Number 2 Pencil lobby will track you down & kill you.

10.) It’s disgusting that an MLB player gets suspended longer for smoking weed or taking the wrong pill at GNC than for beating his wife.

11.) This dog has trained my parents to think he needs to be walked every 85 minutes, it is unbelievable, this dog.

12.) The fake vice-president thinks all interactions with women are copulatory transactions because he’s a monster.

13.) When people put those weird Snapchat puppy faces on their pictures, do they KNOW they’re turning on furries or what?

14.) Your soup-only cooking show will be called STOCK FOOTAGE.

15.) I still can’t get over the fact that a multi-tool company calls itself “Leatherman” not understanding what a leather man is.

16.) Metallica Tampons: For Only Your Heaviest Flows!

17.) Donatello’s been on vacation but soon he’ll be back in April.

18.) A Cincinnati Five-Way is the name of a terrible chili dish that SHOULD be the name of a terrible sex act.

19.) Whenever you use “JFC” for “Jesus F-ing Christ” I imagine you mean “Jesus Fried Chicken” and their delicious communion biscuits.

20.) If you’re attracted to both Santa Claus AND penguins, are you bipolar?

21.) In some ways “attempted murder” is even worse than “murder” because not only are you still in jail but you’re also a failure.