323 in idea barrages

1.) The one political vendetta I’d WANT Fake President to pursue is disappearing Billy Fuccillo for using that moronic “YUUUUGE!” schtick first.

2.) Things get slow in Canadian winter. “Here’s a prank” said Jacques “let’s pour gross gravy all over these cheese fries & pretend we LIKE it!”

3.) Way I see it, if your lower back doesn’t lock up like Fort Knox until the middle of the second layover, gotta chalk that up to a win.

4.) Whenever someone typos “gym” as “gyn” I assume they mean gynecologist because never assuming “gym” is a tenant of my life.

5.) If you’re a happy couple we are happy for you but please understand that your happy couple pictures on facebook only make us more depressed.

6.) I hope when Run The Jewels has a comeback tour in 20 years, the name is changed to Ran The Jewels.

7.) How have I not written a parody of ELO’s “Don’t Bring Me Down” about Batman? This is almost at the level of a moral failing.

8.) Literally any product could be marketed under the name “I Can Believe This Is Not Butter”. Even butter, if it is of a low enough quality.

9.) At The Last Supper, Jesus turns to Peter and says “I’m thinking of backpacking around Europe, you know, really finding Myself.”