317 in idea barrages

1.) If you happen to be minor nobility, you may be eligible for our viscount discount.

2.) I don’t know what you kids are talking about, the only effect Mass ever had on me was drowsiness and incredulity.

3.) I’m Gallant in the streets, Goofus in the sheets. I don’t even know what that means.

4.) I’ll say this about the attempted monocle robbery, it was a real spectacle.

5.) If Leia was exploring the moon of Endor, did that make her a girl scout? Then what was the cookie she gave the Ewok?

6.) The world needs your love now, your righteousness now, your madness now, your compassion now, your you-est you now. Now or never.

7.) “Let’s stop making everything political.” Simply being an artist is a political act now. Simply going to a doctor is a political act now. Simply being old or a woman or infirm is a political act now. Simply being anything other than the WASPiest of Protestants is a political act now. Simply believing in love is a political act now. Having skin darker than a Band-Aid is a political act now. Everything is political now, to pretend otherwise is to stick one’s ostrich head into the shifting sands of privilege until the ostrich farmer comes with an axe for you. I for one will scream that there’s a madman with an axe until he’s disarmed or I am dead.

8.) Compassion is a pre-existing condition.

9.) Your reality show about driving around giving people haircuts will be called “Bangs Bus”. People will be terribly confused.

10.) Difference btwn a caged tiger pacing waiting to pounce & an elephant listlessly swaying from confinement’s madness is subtle & vast & vital.

11.) When you work at a time travel company, the dress code is always business-causal.

12.) Vampires look down on Monopoly because that’s playing with your food.

13.) Well, sex with a golem is one way to get a lay of the land.