27 in idea barrages

1.) If being good at football gets a guy forgiven for supporting fascism, that’s an everything problem.

2.) The idiots who spend their time telling us we’re “sensitive snowflakes” now want to boycott “offensive” ads that state immigrants are human.

3.) If you get really good at eating tin cans, you can be the GOAT goat.

4.) Whenever possible, pretend to confuse the words “diorama” and “diarrhea”.

5.) “Hungover” is just one letter away from “hugover”. Or “hugeover” if that’s a thing.

6.) Mash-up: Evanescence “Can’t Wake Up” vs. That Andy Kaufman bit where he plays both sides of an incoherent arguing couple.

7.) So many drum majors and drum majorettes died in the Baton Death March.

8.) He may control volcanoes but he is always humble in his superheroic victories. He is… Magmanimus.

9.) Comeuppance for these entitled bastards won’t come in a children’s game by a handful of millionaires but by us all together in the streets.

10.) You can’t claim a god who’d send his son to preach to outcasts & the poor then support a usurper king who’d persecute and humiliate them.

11.) Probably the best porn name ever would be “The Drill” so your catchphrase would be “you know The Drill”.

12.) I still wish Don Rickles had bought out Kenny Rogers Roasters back when it failed, it would’ve made a lot of sense.

13.) The lap steel guitar seems like magic but it’s really just a slide of hand.

14.) There are so many kinds of people, ways to be a person, so that we can call be The Other in some facet so that we learn compassion.

15.) In March, LOGAN wanders through a half-ruined hellscape filled with people barely hanging on. Weirdly, that’s the plot of the movie, too.

16.) Your romantic comedy that takes place in a butcher’s shop will be called MEAT CUTE.

17.) Dear Meetup Spam E-Mail, I don’t know if “40+ Womens Mexican Train Members” is a thing or not but… I doubt I’m in its demographic.

18.) My mom’s whole family’s from South Central. South Central Europe. Slovenia is south-central Europe.