nye barrage in idea barrages

1.) They call him Bobby Flay but I’ve never seen him violently separate Guy Fieri’s skin from his flesh so, like, false advertising.

2.) Irony: because actively showing displeasure for something being terrible would smack of that greatest sin “effort”.

3.) Your next superhero will be a Northern Californian who can fold space to travel great distances in an instant called “The Hellaporter”.

4.) Your new app will line you up with a random stranger to come to your house and bake a potato for you. You will call it “Tuber”.

5.) A picture of eight grandmothers in a row and then Batman.

6.) Our goals should never CAN NEVER be personal or ideological purity. We can only help as many as we can as much as we can as long as we can.

7.) You’re broke but that doesn’t mean you’re broken, don’t let the bastards tell you any different.

8.) This forsaken nation, clinging to the subconscious myth that the rich must be our moral betters because God must’ve given them their wealth.

9.) There’s no disease more insidious to the mind’s function than nostalgia. The past was terrible, put your efforts into a better tomorrow.

10.) The eggplant is neither an egg nor a plant. It is a bitter rubbery abomination.

11.) That damn cudgel “faith”. The makers of war forever put it in our hands & bash our skulls in all the while yelling “stop hitting yourself!”

12.) Can’t think of this as a vast planet, that gets us nowhere. Here we are stranded on little Turtle Island together & we must help each other.

13.) “Collodial Silver Surfer” would be an amazing DJ name.

14.) You have to be a certain kind of nerd to understand why I call my mouth my “cereal port” but if you are, it’s awesome.

15.) By ruining our economy to buy an extra yacht, you’ve left a generation under or unemployed with nothing to lose. You’re gonna hear from us.

16.) When someone says they are “literally chomping at the bit” there are so many things wrong with it I don’t know where to start and shut down.

17.) There’s a part of us always in mourning, there’s a part of us always rejoicing, the more peace you can make with both at once the better.

18.) All political sides are stuck on the fallacy that political inexperience is a good thing. You learn HOW to work gov’t by being a career pol.

19.) Lately, I’ve been seeing the ways my recurring dreams fit together into a kinda coherent shared narrative in a way I can’t totally explain.

20.) These bastards who don’t mind our White House being controlled by another nation’s dictator as long as that dictator is white and male.