1227 in idea barrages

1.) Here’s hoping you heard of George Michaels’ death in a direct and honest manner not via some sort of careless whisper.

2.) To this day I can’t believe that Newt Gingrich is an actual corrupt politician’s name and not a minor Harry Potter side-villain.

3.) Best case scenario, after Trump kills himself in a bunker, bad toupees and spray tans go out of fashion for generations.

4.) Christ, they can’t even write “Egg Nog” on the carton. It’s “Classic Nog” the “festive dairy beverage”. Why do I stand up for this species.

5.) Good news: you may actually HAVE a soul mate and it’s just that she or he died of a horrifying childhood disease before you could meet!

6.) Maybe it wasn’t that they were laying down the regs & responsibilities of The Cider House, maybe they were saying The Cider House was RAD.

7.) Maybe vaccines could regain popularity with an edgy “duck my sick!” ad campaign.

8.) The semi-colon is something of a comma chameleon and its popularity among grammarians has been known to come and go.

9.) If we are going to end whiteness through generations of hot hot sex, please, sign me up for this process.

10.) I like to believe that the novelty-music DJ in the Harrypotterverse was named Dr. Dementor.

11.) Set up shop outside a black hole’s event horizon selling 2nd hand stuff spit out from parallel dimensions, call it a rift store.

12.) Ridley Scott’s thing for women with short hair is only less known than Tarantino’s thing for feet because it’s a lot less interesting.

13.) A Tracy Chapman parody about someone with a fez scar?

14.) Have I pitched a Western where the hero wears Mom jeans called HIGH PANTS DRIFTER yet? I don’t even know anymore.

15.) Hire me to make your house ironically ugly. We will call it Inferior Decorated. C’mon, rich hipsters, give me money.

16.) Between Christmas and New Years, you should hold a Christmas In December party just to confuse people.