1219 in idea barrages

1.) I hope that when the next civilization finds our wreckage, they find just enough to assume that Tony The Tiger was real.

2.) The CIA isn’t vague about Russia’s Trump collusion because they “can’t prove it”. They’re protecting assets from blown covers/assassination.

3.) Irony is capitalism’s way of making you still buy shoddy product without even the illusion of effort on big business’s part. Stop it.

4.) Don’t hate people who play games, hate people whose sense of identity is so bereft they need to construct & defend the idea of “gamers”.

5.) Maybe if you stopped buying Christmas sweaters that are intentionally bad, jerks who wear monocles would have to make good sweaters.

6.) If Steam Updater were a person it would be the worst lover because it spends 15 minutes extracting package until you give up & turn it off.

7.) If your youtube video has “Cringe” in the title & it isn’t about Battle-Cat’s civilian form, you are a terrifying stereotype & need to stop.

8.) Your GI Joe cosplay does not get full marks unless you bore peg holes into the heels of your boots. Search your feelings, you know its true.

9.) The Force was just bacteria, Wolverine was a prissy little rich boy, Trump’s being installed as dictator, Santa was real but killed himself.

10.) Bonus points if you have an enchanted weapon in your D&D campaign called “The Babysitters Club”. +3 against juvenile forms of dragon, maybe.

11.) MTV ended after the Nirvana Unplugged was aired. This is my head-canon and you cannot deny it is better that way.

12.) Originally, every family decorated the corpse of a Grimace for Christmas. Only after they were hunted to extinction did we switch to trees.

13.) Kickers don’t have to fill their entire headspace with strategy so they can fully mentally develop as adults unlike most foozball players.

14.) End of day, my Twitter’s just a series of selfies of my brain’s insides, ideas trying to finding the right duckface angle to pass for sexy.