1117 in idea barrages

1.) Your movie about two Silicon Valley tech douches pretending their boss isn’t dead will be called WEEKEND AT BURNING MAN.

2.) Your cologne for priests will be called Eau My God.

3.) Oh, you misunderstood, this isn’t shiatsu massage. This is shih tzu massage. A little yappy dog’s gonna walk on your back for an hour.

4.) Get a bunch of headshots made. Every day, pick an address at random, personally autograph it as if they were a fan of yours and mail it out.

5.) Take your everyday run of the mill egg nog. Add carrots, onions and celery. Hooray! You have created a Christmas mirepoix.

6.) The classiest way to refer to menstruation is to say “Alexander’s Ragtime Band is currently playing.”

7.) Public proposal, what a wonderful way to say “I’m so sure of our relationship that I need strangers to peer pressure you into commitment.”

8.) Your weightlifting name will be Tank Toppington.

9.) The expansion where your Sim can take up work flipping properties will be called “Virtual Realty”. It will be unconscionably bad.

10.) A fascist fills his cabinet with neo-Nazis, all convinced we can’t rise against them because we’re too busy paying off student loans to act.

11.) Would the George Michael Sports Machine & the Miami Sound Machine have a robot battle or would they Voltron into something unholy together?

12.) At some point today, convince someone that you believe the name Barry is actually a nickname for the proper name “Barold”.

13.) Life, too, is a bearer instrument.

14.) Easy short-hand: if anyone says certain kinds of people count less as humans than other humans, they’re a monster to be vocally resisted.

15.) Only refer to your Flaming Lips CDs as your “Coyne Collection”.

16.) I hope that the Hershey Bears of the AHL support youth hockey. I hope they name that program The Hershey Squirts. I… hope.

17.) Every time someone writes “happy bday!” I read it in my mind’s ear as “happy bidet!”

18.) I demand an infomerical for Michael Cera’s Cera-ted Kitchen Knives.

19.) If you ever have to create a Twitter for Bedrock, have the kids chisel the phrase “Cool quarry, bro” to each other a lot.

20.) In the Spider-Ham universe, is Apocalypse called Porkylips? He’d damned well better be.

21.) “This will only make the repaired timeline where Trump merely owns a small auto-detailing concern feel all the sweeter” he mused.