1115 in idea barrages

1.) Your fan fiction about the Golden Girls getting into text adventure games had damned well better be titled GRUE MACLANAHAN.

2.) Chewbacca’s wife is named Malla Bacca which sounds like an Indian curry so hot your nostrils permanently seal.

3.) A bumbling cyborg moves to Sweden because even he’s smart enough to know Trump’s a monster in DEFECTOR GADGET.

4.) My favourite “I don’t own this property” note on youtube videos is DEFINITELY “I don’t have any rights.”

5.) Funny how idiots claim to be anti-elite but vote for born-rich idiots like Bushes & Trump but Obama & Clintons grew up middle class or poorer.

6.) The folk who say denying the right to choose “isn’t about a woman’s rights” are the same ones who say the Civil War “wasn’t about slavery”.

7.) The most mind-bending thing on Twitter is when people who voted for Vladimir Putin’s candidate for president call other people “commies”.

8.) Next time you tell a scary campfire story, tell one of the stories from the Crash Test Dummies “Mm Mm Mm” until someone catches on.

9.) Your line of knock-off Xacto knives will be called Moreorlesso knives.

10.) May all your exes remember you as you remember them: geniuses who just happen to be emotionally crippled.

11.) It turns out that drum machines actually have souls. They were just playing drum to see how we’d treat ‘em if we thought they didn’t.

12.) The wizarding spell to summon terrible pop music from the early 2000s is “Avril Cadavra”.

13.) Protests in every major city? Nah. The moon looks slightly bigger than usual? GET ME PICTURES, PARKER, WE’RE RUNNIN’ THIS FRONT PAGE!

14.) Millard Light Beer: When you want something to Fill More, it’s Millard Time.

15.) The only proper heckle for Morrissey is “MORRISSEY! I’D PREFER LESS-ISSEY, AM I RIGHT?”

16.) Progress in the direction of the common good is a slow thankless slog, losing ground to hate ignorance and greed is as easy as blinking.

17.) It’s funny how Wikileaks ISN’T getting Mike Pence’s scandalous e-mails from Putin’s hacker goon squad, huh? Almost like it’s not a coincedence.

18.) The problem with Godwin’s Law is that when something absolutely is like Nazis, Nazis use it to deflect the obvious.

19.) If American masculinity is so fragile that to drink wine, dudes gotta have it labeled “bro-se”, just… yes, destroy American masculinity.

20.) Tell your doctor “Alex in Clockwork Orange kept his friends in a droogie houser, M.D.”

21.) Remember those old “Evolution of Dance” viral videos? Kirk Cameron doesn’t believe they exist.

22.) Its a funny rhetorical device to pretend that opposing hate is a kind of hate but resisting hate full throatily is not hate. Its resistance.

23.) You will watch SPLASH and PLANET OF THE APES and eat British foods. You will call it your Fish and Chimps Party.