1012 in idea barrages

1.) The only upside to a zombie apocalypse would be watching undead Bill Hicks fangoriously devour Dennis goddamn Leary.

2.) Have we crowdfunded the five mil to cover some former Apprentice assistant editor who leaks the final nail in the coffin yet?

3.) “Oh yeah that’s a neutral-evil rattle in your tires,” the orc mechanic said, “you’re gonna need a front-end realignment.”

4.) The Nation’s Shame looks less & less like Biff from Back to the Future, more & more like Francis from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.

5.) Aging men don’t have slumber parties, we have lumbar parties.

6.) I think we’d all be less annoyed by the endless pumpkin spice stuff if you were more honest about it. You are drinking a nutmeg latte.

7.) This election is white supremacists’ last stand. Unless Trump can get in now to rig future contests, demographics will defeat them forever.

8.) Trump’s rap name is “Tupac Insekur”.

9.) I like to believe that Miss Piggy was born in Hamburg.

10.) Sign on the Thruway: “Don’t Text and Drive!” Sign on the Thruway one-tenth of a mile later: “Try our I Love NY app!”

11.) A line of golf-club sheaths called Fore-Skins.

12.) When an oldies station does two-for-Tuesday does that mean they’re playing double standards?

13.) S’morelax, the laxative Pokemon.

14.) 25 years of propaganda can make people think the usual sins of a career in politics are worse than being a neo-fascist sex offender I guess.