919 in idea barrages

1.) When you complain about the stupid goddamned names at Starbucks, you are venti-ing.

2.) If you’re ever writing for DC Comics, try to sneak in a growing superheroine on the L.E.G.I.O.N. called “Size Queen”.

3.) Civil War doctoring was hard work but there was tons of severance pay.

4.) Billboards for your church are really just basic cross-promotion.

5.) It’s like all the far-right conspiracy theories were stitched together into one Trump campaign into one ugly Crankenstein monster.

6.) The way they say “bleachers” in Boston, it sounds like they just drank some bleach and they’re like “Bleach, ahhhhhhhh!”

7.) If you run a steakhouse and you don’t do like an anti-vampire “stakehouse” thing for Halloween, you’re losin’ business, pay me for ideas.

8.) “Creative momentum” and “exhaustion” feel the same so I’ll go to sleep and then tomorrow know which I actually felt this weekend.

9.) The button you hit so your car will self-drive if you’re drunk had BETTER be called “blottopilot”.