811 in idea barrages

1.) The way Donald Trump makes you feel about politics is how The Big Bang Theory makes me feel about sitcoms.

2.) It’s a game about finding Twitter neologisms and trying to squash them before they ruin everything. It’s called “Hide and Go Fleek”.

3.) Your superhero battle cry will be “Suckle at the teat of justice!”

4.) I hope The Queen’s Twitter profile includes the phrase “pronouns: we/our”.

5.) Without regulation, Philip Morris could have a Christmas smoking mascot Saint Nicotine hand out cigarettes to kids. And they would.

6.) After much research, the only thing Trump and I agree on is the refusal to call a soccer uniform a “kit”.

7.) A novel approach to online dating profiles would be “I have a tattoo of my ex’s name so you have to have the same name as her. Sorry.”

8.) Life is mostly a struggle to not screw up in a way other people can notice. Other than that, it’s love all the way down.

9.) I always forget that when little kids scream bloody murder, it usually doesn’t mean anything happened at all.

10.) I want a movie about a really rude luchadore called Bad Santos.

11.) Wear a shirt that says LEGALIZE THOUGHT around at all times but never ever explain exactly what it means.