july capstone in idea barrages

1.) The correct response to that old cliche is “I don’t know, there’s a lot of people at this pop stand. That could take a while.”

2.) THE QUEST FOR THE HOLY GRAIL 2: THIS TIME IT’S PERCIVAL

3.) He marched right into that dentist’s office and demanded a root canal. The nerve of him.

4.) “You wouldn’t hit a man with glasses!” he yelled then she threw two glasses at him which shattered and, interestingly, blinded him.

5.) Somewhere in Colorado there is a newspaper writer pissed there’s no prostitution scandal allowing him to bust out a “Denver John” headline.

6.) It seems like hipsters referring to Die Hard as their favourite Christmas movie comes a little bit earlier every year.

7.) These days the most ridiculous aspect of Gilligan’s Island is the idea that the Howells would interact with the non-rich at all.

8.) JOKE I DON’T REMEMBER IF I’VE MADE BEFORE: a Tuuvan throat singing country act called The Nitty Gritty Yurt Band.

9.) Every few minutes, stir stir stir, if we want baked beans, stir stir stir, because unwatched baked beans are prone to burning.

10.) I’m a progressive in that I realize change sometimes has to come incrementally to make it stick and to prevent backlash that could undo it.

11.) Has Ommegang released an OMG IPA? Seems like a lock for minor virality.

12.) Still when I hear the word “emoji” I imagine a depressed genie wearing black eyeliner listening to The Smiths.

13.) A sham energy drink consisting of gamma aminobutyric acid and wheat grass called “GABA GABA Hay GABA GABA Hay Hay”.

14.) People running around disheveled, pissed off that their favourite Poke Man Vaporeon’s been depowered. Buncha scruffy lookin’ nerf-haters.

15.) The radical left & radical right if combined, probably a plurality over progressives, moderates & conservatives as blocs. Dangerous times.

16.) JFC, Jesus Fried Chicken, every order comes with a side of unlimited cornbread.

17.) The suave nature of the modern sasquatch is no mere urbane legend.

18.) Halloween ain’t nothin’ but witches and mummies.

19.) There were actually three other women at the ball with the same size feet as Cinderella so, y’know, bigamy-boppity-boo.