729 in idea barrages

1.) The only way to defeat the mutant conjoined twins in TOTAL RECALL is to cut out the middle man.

2.) If you slip on a trampoline and get a big bloody scuff in the pattern of the trampoline on your face, that’s the real tramp stamp.

3.) When correcting yourself for saying “Nailed it!” in front of Jesus, saying “Killed it!” doesn’t actually improve it much.

4.) Now is the time to unify against the darkness across the aisle. Now is the time to heal the Bern.

5.) It’s a rural peer-to-peer cab service for rides in the back of pick-up trucks. It’s called Guber. It’s… pretty terrible.

6.) When a phone starts ringing in a cafe at the same time songs switch over the cafe’s house PA, you never know which is which.

7.) Another good nickname for Trump would be “The Babyhandchurian Candidate”.

8.) You can gauge how old you are by looking at the acts at summer music festivals and counting how many you’ve heard of.

9.) Space Jam should’ve been called Dunk Tales instead.

10.) Your chef themed punk band will be called Vicious Slaws.

11.) I like to imagine a gold standard fringer trying to draw people into the cause with a “Gold Is Au-Some!” hashtag.

12.) Old Italian phrase, close only counts in bocce and bombing raids.

13.) I like to imagine a well-meaning social media manager for the Erie Canal trying to start a GetLifted hashtag.

14.) Each ex-lover is a hurricane, ripping you up leaving a space you need to redevelop in new and better ways, that’s why they have human names.

15.) It’s been fun getting dogpiled on twitter by a bunch of political Veruca Salts. “I WANT INCREDIBLY COMPLEX CHANGES NOW!”

16.) I remember those halcyon days when we didn’t know the Dilbert guy’s worldview. Good times, good times.