718 in idea barrages

1.) When you tell someone “you are the wind beneath my wings” you are really saying “welcome to my pit stank”.

2.) When asking where they put the swimsuits in the store, definitely yell “EXCUSE ME, I’M TRYING TO FIND YOUR BIKINI AREA!”

3.) Interrupt someone being willfully stupid with the phrase “without further a-DUH”.

4.) Pretty soon, if you stub your toe, ISIS will try to take credit for it, they’re getting desperate.

5.) On the plus side of Pokemongo, now if people say they’re vaping, it probably just means they’re hunting for Vaporeon.

6.) Funny how many anti-authority righties suddenly love authority when it’s killing minorities. Almost like they’re hypocrites or something.

7.) Both alive and death, neither dead nor living, the answer to the Schrodingers Question is that the cat’s a zombie, obvs.

8.) The perfect mash-up is “Fooled Around And Fell In Love” with Tool’s “Sober”. DJs, I give you this golden thought for free.

9.) Williamsburg Brooklyn: Putting The “FUN” In “Trust Fund Dilettantes” Since Gentrification!

10.) Choosing to not go to the hospital to have quadruplets made the task harder but now she was in the home stretch.

11.) Yeah they play guitars… just outside of bars… they’re the long dead stars… GHOSTBUSKERS!

12.) There is no such game as cribbage. Someone misspelled “cabbage” & tried to cover for it by pretending it was a game then the rumour spread.