Who wears short shorts. in The Napkin.

A chick at my gym, apparently. I’ve already written about how wedgies and melvins are in vogue. And that’s cool. Dress however you feel comfortable. You do you. Just. Um. Excuse me, ma’am, I can see the butt part of your butt. Any less fabric and her shorts would have constituted an athletic thong.

See, this is why I like nude beaches. It’s no secret everybody’s looking at everyone else, but at least there isn’t any judgement so long as you aren’t staring. You don’t know self-control until a chick is doing glute bridges with her melvin pointed straight at you. Gyms are similar to beaches in that people are going to wear as little as they’re comfortable with, but you still gotta treat people with respect.

I was going to joke about a nude gym, but I can see that going badly. I uh, need a supportive and restraining apparatus for my genitals. Floppy genitals + treadmill = no. To say nothing about those endowed with large breasts.

tl;dr: I’ve gotten to know the walls and ceiling of my gym very well.