Grateful for a deadbeat baby daddy in My Metamorphosis

When Cassidy’s biological “dad” left me high and dry at about 3 months pregnant, I was devastated to say the least. It took me many, many years and lots of reckless decisions to finally deal with pain and hurt he left me with. And even still I was always jealous of my other young mom friends who had an active ‘baby daddy’ in their lives. I hated taking her to appointments alone, school functions alone, and not having someone to share milestones and special occasions with.

But now I am so grateful that he was and is an absent father. Not only is he a terrible example of a “father figure” (i.e. physically abusive, 9th grade drop out, 5 other illegitimate kids, alcoholic, etc) that she doesn’t need in her life, but it has been nice being the sole decision maker - naming her what I want, disciplining her how I want, teaching her how I want. Then of course it’s been a nice, smooth transition with Bradley becoming her dad. He’s her one and only dad, he is the primary caregiver and there’s no confusion between real dad and step dad. There’s no step at all - Bradley is her dad and she loves him and that’s that.

I didn’t realize exactly how lucky I was to have a dead beat baby daddy until today. Ok, this part gets kinda confusing so bare with me. Quick backstory for clarification - Bradley had a one night stand in college and that’s how Zion came to light. He never knew Zion’s mom, Vivian, was pregnant because she thought it was some other guy’s kid. Well I guess the guy had a DNA test done and it turns out it wasn’t his, so at 6 months old Vivian popped back into Bradley’s life saying she thought Zion was his. Ok. So Bradley paid for a paternity test and then paid to have Zion’s last name changed to his and stepped up to the plate. They shared 50/50 custody at that point. Meanwhile Vivian (baby mama) got a new boyfriend (Mark) and 18 months after Zion was born, she had another son named Jeremiah. Things didn’t last between them and she moved on to another guy named John. They ended up having a son named Izzy and eventually got married and they are still married today. When Zion was about 6 or so, they decided to move to Atlanta (3-4 hours away from here) and that’s where they live today.

I used to think she wasn’t the worst baby mama a guy could get stuck with. Until I realized she has severe control and boundary issues. This was first apparent on the day after our wedding when we were on our honeymoon and she texted him about increasing child support. WTF. Who does that? Like really? Another example is her being adamant and not budging about meeting halfway for visitation. Despite her deciding to move a good 3.5+ hours away, she will not meet either Dad halfway. Yet she bitches that they don’t spend enough time with them… okay then. Then when Zion moved in with us - she STILL had full control. SHE drafted up an parenting agreement that said she had no financial obligation pay us AND they got to claim him on their taxes. Then when he was living with us she constantly blew up MY phone (not Bradley’s) wanting to know Zion’s every move. Additionally, she called Zion literally every day. After a year of him living with us, SHE decided he needed to move back with her. We told her, if that’s their decision, then fine, there is no back and forth though. Don’t expect him to move back with us. Not even a year later, Bradley tells Zion that we are expecting. Not even a day later Vivian texts Bradley saying she thinks it’s best Zion moves back in with us. Fortunately he told her no (although he is toying with the idea now which I am completely against).

With all that being said - today at work I happened to meet the sister to Mark, the other baby daddy that lives close to us. When she found out who I was, we spent the next hour talking about Vivian and some of the wackadoo things she does and what a control freak she is. The lady also told me about the problems they have with Jeremiah and it was LITERALLY the SAME problems we have with Zion: lying, manipulation, bad hygiene, school issues, etc. I could not believe it. Initially I felt better to know I wasn’t crazy and I wasn’t alone - but then that reassurance turned into anger. The sister told me that Vivian was pissed off for a long time because Bradley never consulted her about marrying me! WTF. Who are you? Are you my dad? Because that was the only person he needed permission from! And she also wasn’t happy that he was marrying “a white girl.” What the hell? What difference does it make? So I already knew she was a homophobe, but now she’s apparently racist too. eye roll

The sister also told me that when baby daddy #2, Mark, was living with his long time girlfriend (and now wife) that Vivian told him he needed to marry her because she wanted her son to see a whole family, like he sees at home. Are. You. Serious? Like who the fuck are you? You didn’t even know who the hell your baby daddy was and have three kids by three different dads, but suddenly you’re some child of God who has the right to cast judgement and tell your baby daddy’s what to do? Get out of here. That part really pissed me off. She told me that Vivian told them they are trying a new style of parenting where they ask the kid what their punishment should be.

O_o.

Umm ok? So are we supposed to follow suit with your wackadoo, Dr. Oz parenting style? No wonder Zion is such a handful, he has a wack job for a mom that jumps on any bandwagon that comes her way. Hearing all this really chapped my ass. I hate the idea of having to deal with this crazy for the next 7.5 years. At least it’s not THAT much longer right??

This made me want to hit up Blake (my baby daddy) and just say ‘thank you.’ Thank you for staying the hell out of our lives and allowing me to raise Cassidy into the sweet young lady that she is. Thank you for knowing when to let go because it was for the betterment of the child!

Ok rant over. This has been on my mind all day and I just had to get it out there.