29 Weeks, House, Polygraph in My Metamorphosis

So I’m 29 weeks today and I am feeling it. I really shouldn’t complain because this pregnancy has been pretty uneventful - especially compared to the patients I see every day who have a laundry list of complications and risks. But other than feeling huge, tired, and having Fred Flintstone feet, I’m doing good. Last week I had my glucose test and got the rhogam shot (ouch - it totally hurt just as bad as I remembered). My OB said I am measuring about a week ahead O_o. Baby Shiloh is ginormous and super active - according to my app today he is the size of a butternut squash and weighs 2.5lbs, but I bet he’s more like 3lbs. We’ll see at my 32 week scan next month.

We put an offer on the house I talked about last entry and we have been in the midst of the LONG, TEDIOUS process of buying a house. This is so annoying. Everyday the loan officer is requesting more and more stuff. Not to mention all the costs associated with it - last week we dropped $300 on the inspection, $500 on the appraisal, and $1000 in earnest money. Just like that. I was a little overwhelmed - but that’s what we’ve been saving for. The underwriter has approved the mortgage so as long as every thing goes smoothly we close on July 12th! Exactly 3 weeks from today! I am so ready to be in our new house, I love it so much!!

Today Bradley has to take his hopefully last polygraph. I haven’t written about the legal stuff in forever because, well, fortunately it hasn’t been a major factor in our lives. Not long ago though, his restrictions, fees, etc were the center of our universe - and the number one culprit of our fights. Sometimes I almost forget that he’s still chained to some degree, but for the most part I feel like a normal family - which normalcy is all that I craved for many, many years. He has almost ‘graduated’ from his court mandated therapy class that he has attended EVERY Thursday for the past FIVE years - every Thursday ya’ll. If he passes this polygraph he will be done with the class and then he will petition the courts to let him off probation. Fingers crossed everything goes good.

Two nights ago Bradley mentioned Zion moving back in after the end of this coming school year. Cue panic attack What the hell? Where did that come from? Bradley says he can tell Zion is making strides to do better. Okay?? And what I had to remind Bradley was back before Zion ever lived with us and he would come for the summers, we never had a an issue with him. He was always pretty well behaved, which is why we were so blind sided when he moved in with us and we had problems from the start. There’s a big difference between vacation and actually living some where with a routine, rules, boundaries, chores, etc. But ya know, that’s his son and if he really thinks he should live with us, then I will support that. BUT Bradley has to commit more time to Zion and being home. He’s a hard worker and I appreciate what he does - he works a regular management job from 8-5 and then personal trains people from 5-8. So that leaves little time for home and family. So he’s not around to deal with Zion. Zion is here to see him essentially and spend time with his dad, yet it’s always just me and Zion and Cassidy (when I get off work). If he wants him here so badly, he needs to dedicate more time to him, otherwise I don’t see the point? IDK - I’m not able to talk about any of this stuff with him because I don’t want to look like the wicked step mother that’s trying to keep him away from his son - that’s not the case. I am happy he is a good dad and cares, I wouldn’t be with him if he was a deadbeat dad. But at the same time, I have serious PTSD from when Zion was with us - he nearly drove me to the loony bin or ran me off completely. Maybe if I could be assured that Bradley would be more present so it wouldn’t be so stressful for me (especially with a new baby on top of everything) then I could go along with it. I don’t know, I have so much anxiety about this, I haven’t been able to sleep :(

Anyway, sorry for the rambling, since I feel I can’t talk to Bradley about it, I have no where to vent except in here. :/

Here is a pic we took Sunday - 7 months!

And a Father’s Day collage - I love the special bond between these two: