618 in idea barrages

1.) Only now, this late in the game, have I realized how eerily similar looking Meatloaf and Quentin Tarantino are.

2.) If you can manage to defeat Oprah in a two-player Dr. Mario match, it is important that you yell “More like Oprah LOSEfrey!”

3.) Even as a nine-year-old watching wrestling, I understood “Real American” was an ironic song. Adult Trump voters seem not to.

4.) Dear Twitter Spambot you almost had me fooled w/ your clever phishing link but was tipped off as we don’t have a mutual friend named Helga.

5.) I wonder if Bernie’s bargaining for Senate Majority Leader if Trump screws over the GOP downticket contests. That could be fun.

6.) When you start a vlog series, a tacky photo collage magically appears on the wall behind you. It is the venereal disease of youtube.

7.) A nightmare about bumbling scientists creating a closed time loop that both ends and restarts our solar system? Sure, brain. Sure. Another one of the nightmares was about winning on a slot machine then getting beaten up by security for having won.

8.) If you’re too goody-goody, they send you to deform school.

9.) If you knew the place on the brain you touch to make someone taste ice cream, you could really dominate and humiliate Krang.

10.) The Northeast mistakes crassness for truth, the West mellowness for wisdom, the South politeness for decency. It’s all crap, of course.

11.) All I’m asking for is a movie with the subtitle DORN OF JUSTICE. It can be a Worf movie, it can be Major League 4. Either way.

12.) Is there whiskey-scented shampoo yet or has America’s desperate obsession with masculinity not yet been fully monetized?

13.) To be honest, unless you’re a Smurf or a Prince protege, thy name is most likely not Vanity.

14.) A series of remixed old anti-smoking PSAs with the umbrella phrase of “Yul Be Sorry If You Smoke”.

15.) If I ever get to pitch to Food TV, it’ll be a reality show to crowning the world’s greatest risotto chef called “Cheese and Rice Superstar”.

16.) Fieri’s food will eventually ruin so many metabolisms, they’ll just start calling it guyabetes.

17.) Of jocks who make a big show about their traditional marriage, 67% have a side girl in every town and 20% have a side guy in every town.

18.) So yeah. Last couple of weeks have been a little dark for me but I’m slowly getting it out of my system. Thank you all for being patient with me, I’m slowly working toward being silly and prolific again.