525 in idea barrages

1.) If you’re gonna get a tattoo on the small of your back, go all in and just have it be the words “THONG LIFE”.

2.) Until you’re naked together, the whole relationship could just be an elaborate prank. Like a really slow burn Candid Camera thing.

3.) America would be so quick to eliminate the long-term ramifications of the drugged-up children of the underclass beat each others’ brains out for billionaires’ whims if only it wasn’t so entertained by the short-term thrills of watching the drugged-up children of the underclass beat each others’ brains out for billionaires’ whims.

4.) Junk mail from Meetup seems to believe I am a “50+ Singles”. Unless it refers to the record I set for eating Kraft Singles, I’m offended.

5.) I sure hope the Australian death metal scene refers to itself as “Didgeridoom”.

6.) If it’s hiding an impossibly large wooden mallet in its pouch, it can be technically referred to as a mangaroo.

7.) The only acceptable title for an album of Radiohead covers sung as Homer Simpson is, of course, Annoyed Grunt K Computer.

8.) Honestly, it didn’t bother me, it just made me realize how weird the comic was for having a 55 year gap between an aunt & a nephew.

9.) On a just world Infinity War 2’s endtag is Marvel’s Pietro waking up alive if confused & X-Men’s Quicksilver asking him “Hey man, you ok?”

10.) A hair-focused wizard and a cheese-focused wizard dueling with magic over who gets to be called “The Fro-Mage”.

11.) I hope the first practical handheld zap gun is called a “compact utility laser-emitter” so people can yell “C.U. LASER!” before firing.

12.) Your album of country covers of Nine Inch Nails songs will be called “Pretty Bait Machine”.

13.) To the tune of that Kids in the Hall song: “hodiotin-otin-ay, hodiotin-ay-oh, hodiotin-otin-ay, CATCH-ING UP-ON FAAAACE-BOOOK.”

14.) Y’know, my hope was of the hard-bitten hang-in-there variety for so long that I forgot how this kind of hope felt, this “there are amazing things developing, I just want to see them through now” hope, it had been so long. It feels so amazing that I’m afraid I’m imagining it.

15.) I hate that the “literary mash-ups” genre died before I could pitch THE CABIN OF DOCTOR THOREAU.