Focus in 2016

On Saturday night, I went on the Firefly Boats on the Sendai river in Yamasaki. Obviously it was beautiful and magical and wonderful, but, what really struck me, and struck me hard, was how little I appreciated it; and, as I mused, somewhat against my will, I realized something: I’ve lost the ability to focus.
Admittedly, it’s always been something of an issue for me. Still, It’s harder and harder to do anything. Doing one thing bores me because my mind wanders. Doing too many things is worse, in some ways, because it just makes me frustrated that I can’t seem to focus on any one part. It’s really tragic.
When I think back on when I noticed a fundamental change, I’d say that it goes back to Japan in ‘07.
Prior to then, it was hard to focus without distractions, but, with sufficient distractions, I could focus. For instance, I always wrote listening to music (usually Amelie, Enya, or Ben Folds Five). If I talked on AIM, I preferred to have two or three conversations (though I could get by on one). However, after Japan, I stopped listening to music, which had been an incessant part of my life from ‘99 when I got my first walkman until ‘07 when I just . . . stopped listening to music.
At any rate, I think that’s perhaps one of the greatest troubles that I face these days. Nothing has seemed . . . real since ‘07 for a lot of reasons, but, perhaps, one of them is the complete inability to focus?
It’s hard to experience something when I’m constantly reflecting on and evaluating my own experience. I think I’ve always had a bit of that, but, I think in the wake of Rachael, it got worse.
This is disjointed, and I’m sorry for that. Focus is hard, especially when it simply ISN’T forthcoming. I’m also trying to listen to music while I write, which isn’t helping much either.
Regardless, when the schedule calms down a bit, I’m going to do more with focus. Part of that is getting the physical trappings of my life together. To that end, I’m rearranging a lot of my apartment, and, I think I’ll continue to rearrange it even further. I need to maximize space and give myself room to just . . . do what needs to be done. Whatever that is.
This entry kept getting weaker the more I write. Don’t know what else to say, but I feel that there’s so much more.
Little by little.