312 in idea barrages

1.) Scientologist porn involves many bawdy thetans.

2.) Astronaut sex is all about the zero-g spot.

3.) The King of Pop did not die, not in the way you know it, rather he split up into thousand of tinier Micro Jacksons.

4.) Sometimes when watching ‘Nam movies, I’d imagine “Charlie” as an army of armed vicious Charlie McCarthy ventriloquist dummies.

5.) In New Zealand the break-up line is “it’s not ewe, it’s me”.

6.) If only more people were into G.I. Joe minutiae, a parody of “Sultans of Swing” about Zartan would KILL, you guys.

7.) I like to think the weird Christian kids show “Veggie Tales” was eventually taken over by a side character biker fern called The Fronds.

8.) The glass isn’t half-full, the glass isn’t half-empty, I’m 6‘6 320, the glass is too small.

9.) I wonder if people would mess with Ozzy by asking him if his wife was “On The Rhoads Again” back in the day.

10.) Wild rice is neither wild nor rice. It is actually a grass that spends its evenings watching sitcoms on Hulu.

11.) PRO-TIP: when you see an attractive person in a friend’s comments, their profile WILL read “engaged to…“

12.) An empty morgue is a good place to have an out-of-bodies experience.

13.) If you have a Star Wars party and don’t serve Wedge Salad, man, you’re doing it wrong.

14.) As we allowed our discourse to coarsen, talk of throwing people out & bombing for fun, people have taken it as a hint for their own actions.

15.) Assuming what someone bought at Victoria’s Secret is a braed generalization.

16.) After their questionable Saturday night hookups, they’d all meet for Sunday Chinese brunch at the Wok of Shame.

17.) Oh sure, it sounds like all fun and games to be an evil elf but even drowgirls get the blues.

18.) If you’re a Tuvan throat-singer who starts a country act, call it “The Nitty-Gritty Yurt Band”.