34 in idea barrages

1.) If we found out that George Lucas’s unrequited high school love was named Mindy Chlorian, everything would finally make sense.

2.) Really liking “It’s A Wonderful Life” is called Capraphilia.

3.) Last nightmare was seriously entitled “The Canadian Muppet Movie” and by the end, it like Dark Crystal on crack.

4.) It is weird that I’m not doing the poetry open mic tonight but my duties as Executive Dogsitter call.

5.) Add a comma to any last name with -son in it and your statement is instantly cooler: “I need those files, Steve John, SON!”

6.) Four gluten-intolerant super-scientists stand between Manhattan and an invasion of wheat monsters in GROATBUSTERS.

7.) Has Edie McClurg sued the woman from the “Dump Cakes” infomercials for stealing her body and face?

8.) In Trump presidency, Wall Street occupies YOU!

9.) Giving up religion for lent is a good divide-by-zero exercise.

10.) The John Lennon sub would be called The Working Class Hero and would definitely at least have cold turkey.

11.) Enjoying Z-grade trash ironically is fine but when you give them money for mainstream trash ironically, it gets more made unironically.

12.) If you have sex with a member of the clergy, is that Priestiality?

13.) A remake of Sparticus with Kid Rock “My name is Kid Rock!” “My name is Kid Rock!” “My name is Kid Rock!”

14.) If we’re already stuck with Super Tuesday, why isn’t there also Optimus Primary?

15.) Well, at least when they throw us in Trump’s re-education gulags, that’s where all the other cool people will be.

16.) Much like hunger, attainability can be the greatest spice.

17.) Has there been a Star Trek episode about the entertainment industry in the Federation called “Hooray For Holograms”?

18.) Of all the cheeses that sound vaguely sexual, “pecorino” is definitely the funniest.

19.) So the thing where a leading presidential candidate bragged about his cock during a debate was a clip from IDIOCRACY, right?

20.) I finally realized what it looks like when Rubio and Trump stand next to each other: C-3PO and Jabba The Hutt.