February 24th and 25th in 2016

February 24th and 25th
I feel like February 24th is somehow a big deal. Maybe it’s Niki’s birthday? I don’t remember. Well, oh well. Nothing to do about it now. So, yesterday didn’t go according to plan. I ate way too much for dinner, accomplished nothing, and took a nap because I felt bad. Then, I woke up, felt worse, and didn’t get cleaning done. Instead, I just watched a bunch of political stuff on Youtube. I talked to Simona and Courtney. That was about it. Photos at Hirakawa weren’t great, though, I think that during my long BOE exile next month, I may try to write fiction, and I kind of want to write “The Last Day of Hirakawa”.
Anyway, that was about that. Obviously struggled to get back to sleep, and woke up often when in bed. Got up at 6:50 and got myself moving, more or less, on time. However, it turns out that trash day is Friday, so now I’ve got rotting food bagged up I my kitchen as opposed to outside. However, it works out for the best because now I can, in the dead of night, drop my garbage off far from my home so the garbage men don’t judge me.
My talk with Courtney was lovely, and my talk with Simona, while not lovely, was helpful. She’s not very trusting, and is often bothered by contradictions. This is overly reminiscent of Amber in some ways. However, she’s also far away and willing to give me the benefit of the doubt on instances where there’s no harm in trying. In other words, she’s not trusting, but she’s gradually opening. However, I’m not sure if I want her to trust me completely. She seems like the kind who’d fall 100% as soon as that happened. I’m not at the point where I think I could feel anything that strong. So, we’ll continue as we are. She with her reservations, I with mine, and we’ll both play it cautiously while both getting to like and trust each other more and more. She’s not made any unreasonable demands, nor have I. She hasn’t emotionally taken me hostage. There’s no passive aggression. I’ve had a few warning alarms about things that made me think of Amber, but I think that the biggest difference is simply that I feel more comfortable around Simona. There’s still some edge sometimes, as is natural when you’re dealing with suspicious people, but it’s mostly calm and pleasant and quite nice. So, I’ll be careful, but I won’t pull back or pull out. With any luck, she’ll be another good friend in a distant land. I’m fond of those, as you may have noticed.
I’m trying to think of much more to write because I’ve got a long day ahead of me and nothing to really do. One thing I really miss about China is the utter lack of office hours. Maybe it’s better that I’m a JET now that I’m older and I’ve calmed down a bit more.
I changed my profile picture on Tinder to my FB profile picture. Not a great deal of luck since the swap, but few chances to swipe right (and my odds weren’t good anyway). I appear to be getting noticeable crow’s feet. For whatever reason, I’ve started to wrinkle early. I’ve had them on my forehead for ages. Of course, sleeping in a closed room with an electric heater, or spending time at school with kerosene heaters, would dry anybody out. Huh. Maybe I do need to get back on those walks. Anyway, I super liked a fellow JET who I’m friends with on FB. No luck there. Kind of disappointing. Oh well. Not like Disney Girl disappointing or anything.
I really do feel just tired and worn down. I don’t want to go on a walk tonight, but I’m also aware that whenever I skip exercise, I feel so much worse than when I do exercise. I want to be at a point in my life where I can just get up and jog. That was always the fun part. My walk is getting dull. Fast walking is boring. You can’t enjoy the scenery, and you never get that rush of going fast. Neither peaceful nor exhilarating, you’re stuck with the realization of who and what you are.
I’m trying to figure out why it is, exactly, that my sleep’s been bad and why I’ve had so many nightmares. I had one during my nap yesterday. I was agreeing to do all of these things, including some kind of science experiments, and then I was shocked because, as I was driving, there was a baby in my car that I’d forgotten that I needed to take care of. I was driving at the time, so, I mean, it wasn’t cooked or anything. But it was freaking me out. Biting off more than I can chew? I do feel that way sometimes. Yet I also feel bored and like I’m not doing enough. How do I manage to balance everything? That, I suppose, is a good question that you brought up, dream. How do I?
Oh, I almost ran out of gas on the way to Kukino yesterday (probably why the driving and then realizing baby was in the dream). So, I had to go far away to the nearest gas station (the gas station near to Kukino has been closed for, evidently, longer than the existence of refined petroleum) and grab 2,000 Yen worth. Then it was back to Kukino. Made it only 5 minutes late, and that was for my 10 minutes of prep before the lesson.
Oh, checking in at 1:46. Lunch today was with 3-3. It was gross and I didn’t want to eat it, so I decided to make the most of a situation. So, I had an amazingly fun lunch with 3-3. I just kept talking and kept everybody laughing the whole time so I had plausible deniability for not eating. It was awesome. The kids loved it. It’s not quite enough to make up for a wasted day, but it helps.