227 in idea barrages

1.) Covering Baroque music requires a light touch, you have to Handel with care.

2.) A company that extracts flavour from food waste is valuable, you oughta get stock in that.

3.) People who can’t deal with the idea of nationalized health care suffer from Socialized Anxiety Disorder and that’s just S.A.D.

4.) Def Leppard went to the devil to be great & famous but they wouldn’t sell souls. Negotiations came down to one arm for terrible & famous.

5.) Tyler Perry can do bad all by himself but inexplicably people will pay a cast and crew millions of dollars to help him do badly.

6.) Pick an ethnicity out of a hat. Congratulations, you’ve just pitched a sitcom to ABC.

7.) House M.D. is sent to San Francisco to treat a family all stricken with sudden on-set Lupus in EMPTYING HOUSE.

8.) Hanging onto a hotmail account out of momentum is an interesting study in growing spam-to-actual-mail ratios.

9.) Trump/Christie. What’s their power couple portmanteau? Tristie? Cump?

10.) It’s good white lightening is the drink of the American conservative movement because it was already white & it’s somehow still lightening.

11.) On Halloween, the parking concern should rent some tutus and be ballet service for the night.

12.) 326. It was 356, I believe, on December 28th.

13.) If you sell bacon vodka and you haven’t rigged the topper to make an oinking sound when you open it, you’ve failed at life.

14.) Twitter is a thing where Monica Lewinsky forwards something Molly Ringwald had to say and it’s totally normal.

15.) With everyone cashing in every dime on dead rappers, has there been a Tupac Liqukur yet?

16.) Problem is we called everyone bad Hitler so now when there’s someone whose rise is actually comparable, it’s boy who cried wolf.

17.) Your Americana band’s name is Apollo Twee.

18.) Ultimately, Starbucks Coffee is false advertising. It’s Starbucks Milkshakes With A Little Coffee In Them.

19.) I wonder if a gramma has ever called Rachel Ray “that braisin’ hussy”.

20.) I just came here to chew bubblegum and make more bubblegum… and I live a sustainable lifestyle.

21.) Edward Cullen, Dracula, Lestat. Two out of three ain’t Vlad.

22.) If goddamn theme parks are resorting to agents provocateur to advance their businesses, it is time to re-evaluate things.