valentine's barrage in idea barrages

1.) If you’re going to meld nostalgic cartoons with horrifying Bible stories, I’d certainly start with G.I. JOB.

2.) Ultimately, we are all wooden clogs painted up to look like boss Chuck Taylors.

3.) At this point, it’s just Netflix and Wind Chill Factor.

4.) I hope the first robot to gain sentience is one of those industrial cake-decorating robots. It’ll have a lot of interesting questions.

5.) Bundy militiamen and ISIS fighters feed their troops on a budget in EXTREMIST COUPONERS.

6.) They really missed the pun boat when they called short trailers “teasers” instead of “semi-trailers”.

7.) I just discovered that “factkin” are people who identify as other real people and also maybe the internet was a bad idea.

8.) I would rather have had the man retire to quietly paint pictures of dogs but it is important Scalia’s no longer on the court.

9.) We’re like molten glass, when we try too hard to be cool we become brittle and can’t change and inexorably shatter.

10.) NBC still trying to make prime-time variety happen just because it’s cheap like your aunt trying to make “on fleek” happen.

11.) The less Republicans running, the more time each of them has to go on record as stupid or heartless or both, so that’s a thing.

12.) The Hunchback of Notre Dame sure got put through the ringer.

13.) Say what you will about the racist fascist despicable bastard but mess with Trump’s hair & you’ll have hell toupee.

14.) A parody of “Rocket Man” about the one dude who bugs everyone about their March Madness bracket?

15.) The Amish militiamen who rode a horse into the side of the Lancaster FBI office were inspired by the book The Churner Diaries.

16.) There aren’t enough people who still refer to butter unironically as “bread grease” around anymore.

17.) I like to think that the PA who had to clean up the slime on the set of Ghostbusters was called the “boo mop-erator”.