28 in idea barrages

1.) Before inventing vaping, Dr. William Vape was the leading publisher of erotica on the theme of giving R2D2 a blow job.

2.) This relatively mild winter is playing havoc with the boardrooms of Big Toboggan.

3.) Remember, the worst day on Social Media isn’t actually Superb Owl Sunday. Oh no. Valentines is coming.

4.) They should drug test CEOs and board members for the tax cuts that amount to corporate welfare.

5.) The key is remembering to always be skeptical but never be cynical. I try to stay as aware of the difference as much as I can.

6.) You’re not “watching youtube instead of sleeping” you’re “mediatating”.

7.) No you can’t spraypaint your bat and glove, there’s no krylon in baseball!

8.) If you want your name to be a killing word, you need to get in touch with your fremenine side.

9.) Rejection’s one thing but the rejector then vaguebooking about their loneliness, that’s a 2nd gut punch only the internet can provide.

10.) I’m not gonna be one of those killjoys who guilts you for liking the Super Bowl but holy crap, baseball get here for God’s sake.

11.) At halftime, Coldplay will take off their costumes and reveal themselves as U2.

12.) The film THE WICKET MAN is about an Ewok being tortured by bees.

13.) Christ. Another sequel where they try to be “more serious” and it’s just the main character full name for a title. Gag me.

14.) No, the Super Bowl is good for my poetry. Revulsion with what our culture has become is a solid influence on my writing.

15.) Bitterness doesn’t bring home the butter, my brother.

16.) Putting “internet stars” on your reality show admits that eye make-up vloggers draw more than your primetime network stars.

17.) If you’ve ever sat through an entire Super Bowl, you can never tell me baseball games are too long again.

18.) I sure hope that the pig in the Captain Marvel family in Silver Age DC comics was called “Hasham”.

19.) The confetti at the end of Super Bowl is the moneyshot of crony capitalism.

20.) Oh a bris is just a bunch of pomp and circumcision.

21.) Somewhere in a sock factory in China, kids darn the saddest things.

22.) Marty McFly’s trigger is being called chicken, mine is having my intelligence insulted by television shows.

23.) It is one of our culture’s greatest sins that “Snap Into A Slim Jim” wasn’t respectfully retired with The Macho Man’s death.

24.) I guess at least they didn’t call it “Twoolander”?