February 4th through 8th in 2016

I don’t remember much of what happened on Thursday. I didn’t exercise, and I don’t think that I got much sleep. Friday was another rather dull day. I had one class with Matsumoto Sensei. I got a bit of walking in at school, and I did a bit of studying, though not nearly enough. Kind of a zombie.
Saturday morning, we had more of the game. It was fun-ish, but not great. Not much in the way of actual roleplaying. Mostly just fighting and fighting and fighting. Not exactly a great time for all. Still, it was good, in combat, to actually get to do some damage, which is rare. Neither Phil, nor Meghan, nor Lauren showed up. That probably sped things up a bit. We’re also all trying to figure out how the game system works on Roll20. It’s definitely still a problem for many of us. Scott and Mrs. Scott are still working on figuring out a lot of just character creation basics. However, after the game, Tris’ friend, and Machew and I all worked together on some strategy and some character basics. I had to explain a bit of my character and I think that I’ve got Tris’ friend not hating me. Oh, I should explain: I don’t mind using people’s real names here, unlike on many diaries. However, I think that to put in a rather dull, common, name like “Lauren” and “Scott” reveals very little information. It’s names like Mrs. Scott and Tris’ friend that I think are troublesome. Anyway, it bodes well.
Then it was time for guitar, which went quite well. I had fun with it, and the lesson went quite well. We’re going to need to start adding more stuff for me to do because I’m getting through problem areas faster than ever. So, that’s exciting. On the down side, that means more segments to practice. Oh well.
Then . . . I don’t remember much else of what I did. I know that I went 500 calories over goal because walking was just not happening and my stomach was bothering me. However, the diet is designed to give me a deficit of around 900, so, 500 shouldn’t be a problem.
Oh! I had the internet guy out. As it turns out, I hadn’t paid my December bill either. Which is weird because I don’t have a record of having gotten one. So, today I’ve got to call the company on their English hotline and try to work this out. Hopefully I can pay over the phone. However, as this is Japan, it’s doubtful. Highly doubtful.
Anyway, Sunday night I got a text from Kazumi asking if I’d like to go to the festival. I, of course, agreed. Turns out it’s another 100yen festival and a prep for the Hinamatsuri, or Doll Festival that’s coming up soon. So, that was fun. Sadly, my diet was shot. Too many delicious sweets. Then tons of mikan to try to get the sweets out of my system. Also I love Mikan. Then a bad dinner.
Didn’t even bother weighing myself this morning.
There’s a special needs girl at Miyachu who I really like, but has a crush on me. It reminds me of the Kelly situation from high school. But this girl is less coddled and annoying than Kelly, and now I’m a teacher, too. Well, we always meet at festivals, and she’s always super sweet to me. I can’t just bolt away, but, whenever I don’t, she always ends up doing too much. Yesterday, she had me go in to Plasse with her family. She won me some chocolate. I tried to treat her to a match on a taiko video game to try to even it out, but it didn’t work out. She didn’t want to play. But she watched as I played with a friend she selected for me to play with. Yeah. Well, anyway, it ended less awkwardly than I’d have dreamed, thankfully. She left while I was playing taiko.
Well, I went home and took a nap. Napping, man, it’s been great. I woke up, and then talked to Simona while I cleaned and did laundry. I didn’t get everything done, but a majority of the garbage is up. The easiest part, but also the most necessary. Hopefully there will be time for more cleaning tonight.
Tonight, I’ve got to call the internet people, then do the walk, then do guitar. Hopefully there will be time for cleaning.
I’ve hit another plateau with weight. Mathematically speaking, I should be losing weight. It makes no sense that I’m not. In two weeks, I’ve gone over my diet threshold twice, but I don’t appear to have lost anything. Seeing as the goal is to lose 2lbs a week, unless I ate around five thousand calories both days (I didn’t), there’s no reason I should have not lost quite a bit. I suppose this is another plateau. It’s frustrating, but I don’t think there’s much to be done. Anaerobic muscle exercise is the long term solution. I’ve got to gain muscle. That’s the ultimate fat burner. Muscle works itself out, essentially. Well, we’ll see. I plan on doing exercises towards that end tonight. Hopefully it hurts less than it did last week. I think that I may also add some ab stuff later on in the week. If I can only do this little bit, then that’s a good place to start. The key is to do as much as I can. Every little bit helps.
I’ve obviously not accomplished a great deal, as I’m catching up from terrible insomnia, but I don’t feel that I’m in a bad place. I’m not where I want to be, and I’ve hit a snag, but I feel that, at the very least, my wheels are still spinning. Even without traction. The engine is still fired up, even if the train isn’t going anywhere. Sometimes, that’s just what you have to accept.
And, that’s really where Japan, and being alone help.
I’ve been talking to Simona a lot. She’s the magical Italian girl I met my penultimate day in China. We’re rocking quite the internet crush at the moment. Safe enough, but, even in that, I find myself wanting to alter how I portray myself to make her like me more. I’m amazed at how little access to a woman it takes for me to want to alter myself to be more suitable to and for her. That’s why this exile is so kind to me, in many ways. What is important? It’s self-composure and being the same with everybody. I imagined what it would have been like to see Kat when she was in Japan. Would I have been myself? I doubt it. I’d have been worried about offending her, and I’d have been worried about offending her husband. I’d have been on pins and needs. Now, to change how you act for your audience, that’s just polite. But to try to seem to be a different person? That’s a problem. I need to become more comfortable in my own skin, and I need to feel free to not please others. This isn’t to say I need to go around pissing everybody off. But I need to be me. To find my worth, my value, my contentment, internally. I’m feeling well enough, and sleeping poorly enough, that maybe I can resume my studies in philosophy. Zen and Stoicism. I like the way they think.
The Simona situation is interesting to say the least. She’s a girl who, were we in the same place at the same time, I think I could maybe be happy with. I don’t know, though. She’s been burned and she’s a bit jealous and suspicious. I’ve already informed her that, in the unlikely even she and I ever get a chance to date, my best friend is a woman and I’ll not be kept from her. I really love talking to her, though. Simona, that is. Obviously Courtney too, but we’re discussing Simona at the moment.
It reminds me a bit too much of the Amanda in China thing, but Simona isn’t quite so trusting, I’m not quite so awful, and we’re unlikely to do much. So, hopefully it goes better than that.
The Amanda situation still hurts a bit. I think it’s going to for a while. The first time what we had a problem, it was my fault, but we were also young and I was stupid. The second time we lost it? That was utterly me. And I can’t undo it. Maybe she and I never really stood a chance. Listening to Courtney’s evaluation of her makes me suspect that a bit more. However, it’d be nice if we could still be friends. My scar’s still there. Simona asks how I can be sure I’ll never cheat again. I hope the scar burns if I ever consider it.
Well, I feel like writing more, but there’s not a great deal to report. It’s an odd feeling, you know, wanting to write more. I wonder. I’ve been writing these things regularly for just over six months, and in the last few weeks, they’ve become a lot more expressive. Not, like at the beginning, because I had way too much time and nothing to do. At the moment, I’m ignoring stuff I should do to write this. I just . . . like writing more. As I believe that I’ve mentioned, I really have been wanting to write fiction again. I think maybe I’ll get around to it sooner or later. The biggest problems are twofold. One, I am incredibly lazy and it’s difficult to force myself to do anything. Secondly, in spite of my incredible laziness, I’m forcing myself to pursue several time consuming things while still attempting to function as a real adult. It’s difficult enough to maintain that. I really look forward to that distant day when I can just do weight training. That’ll be a wonderful time saver. But that day is far, far, away.
Today’s my last day at Tomarino. I’m sad. It’s an old, amazing, beautiful school with a long history and a lot to forget. I wish it stood a chance. But, there’s nothing to be done. It’s a sad day.
After that, I’ve got Eikaiwa. I met a veteran of the war who developed good English during his training and then mastered it during the occupation. Kazumi and I formally invited him to come. I hope that he does.
Well, that’s life at the moment.
Goodnight.

P.S. Happy anniversary of Karen Carpenter’s death. Furthermore, I wished Amanda a happy birthday and congratulated her on her engagement. She thanked me. That was all