120 in idea barrages

1.) I hate how we call mercenaries “contractors” now like they’re architects in the little trailers behind construction sites.

2.) Overuse of Fireball is threatening biodiversity for the Dungeons & Dragons universe, a phenomenon dubbed “Kobold Warming”.

3.) FAKE FACT: early woks contained high levels of mercury, driving chefs slowly mad and coining the phrase “stir crazy”.

4.) FAKE FACT: The Funky Bunch is reuniting, this time with Markie Post at the helm.

5.) It is difficult to imagine Sarah Palin’s endorsement is of value for ANYTHING, save perhaps dehydrated food for “preppers”.

6.) I wonder if some televangelist called it a “Sintendo”.

7.) You know that at least once M.C. Hammer used the pick-up line “Stop! Hummer Time!” I sure hope it didn’t work.

8.) FAKE FACT: “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” was about trying to avoid the Black Plague through astrology.

9.) What if the commander of Deep Space Nine had been Sisqo instead? Imagine Odo inflating his butt for the “Thong Song” video.

10.) When someone uses their first name as an initial, don’t say the letter, make the sound. “Fffffff Scott Fitzgerald”. “Mmm Emmett Walsh”. Etc.

11.) Bjork is so gorgeous and tiny, she’s like condensed MILF.

12.) They’re robots who are electric sheep in their dreams. They’re Incepticons.

13.) In a cut scene in INDIANA JONES, after the monkey brains, the dessert course is chocolate chimp cookies.

14.) Creative success is a desert bird and I a charred flattened coyote but I will still strap that giant bottle-rocket to my back again.

15.) If you make a movie, use lots of reds blues & camera effects involving polarization so they can never post-process 3D your baby.

16.) I’m still pissed the last console by Sega was the Sega Dreamcast and not the Sega Revelation.

17.) I wonder if Trump will be like “Sarah Palin’s so sexy I wish she were my daughter.”

18.) If someone calls you a hipster, look them square in the eye and say WE PREFER “RETROSEXUAL”. Try not to laugh.

19.) Considering the fact that you can’t drink it without dying, the ocean was the original thirst trap.

20.) Someone tell Puck from “Real World 3” that all you have to do now to be politically important is to be a jerk on a reality show.

21.) The Oscars: If I wanted to watch rich people pat each other on the back, I’d just go find a porn site that serviced that fetish.

22.) The “Lullaby Of Broadway” is now “A Family Of Four Vomiting In The Street After Food Poisoning At Guy Fieri’s“.

23.) I want a drawing of Captain America punching Donald Trump in the face.

24.) Ads involving a “Do Not Use This Drug If You Are Allergic To This Drug” are about all you need to know about civilization’s arc.

25.) Kentucky Fried Chicken is calling their hot chicken “Nashville” chicken and Nashville isn’t in Kentucky and it REALLY BOTHERS ME.

26.) Leto looks awful as Joker & it’s an obvious GOTG rip but Suicide Squad looks SO MUCH better than MurderSuperman Vs. GunBatman.

27.) I’m old enough to not give a damn about nearly ALL the acts at Bonaroo, you guys, where’s my Social Security check?