my best barrage ever in idea barrages

1.) If the Democratic Debates were Gilligan’s Island, O’Malley would just be called “And The Rest”.

2.) An app for lumberjacks looking for casual encounters with each other called Timbr.

3.) A parody of Wonderwall built around the chorus “maybe you’re gonna be the one who shaves me”.

4.) Rejecting binding arbitration is very unsettling.

5.) The meniscus of the liquid in a bong is the high-water mark.

6.) 6.02 times 10 to the 23rd power is Avocado’s Number, it describes how many atoms is in a standard guaca-mole.

7.) When I call Ollie the Dog a weird little son of a bitch, I’m not being vulgar, I’m being technical.

8.) Your youtube channel will be called “Exaggerated Reactions To Video Games”. Your ensuing Patreon will sustain you.

9.) Her favourite Star Wars character is Al Fishman with his iconic catchphrase “It’s A Trick!”

10.) If you push George HW Bush down a hill and casually stroll alongside his tumbling body, you’re ghost-riding the wimp.

11.) The kids must be feeling so ripped off, enough snow for a snowday but it’s a holiday anyway.

12.) Your chances of being hassled for a spare cigarette at church are Slim to nun.

13.) Koch Brothers, do you hate liberalism just because FDR bombed your dad’s Nazi oil refinery? You mad, bros?

14.) At some point in every life, you are making breakfast while rapping “don’t burn me cuz I’m close to the eggs, ha-ha-ha”.

15.) Using poisoned Chap Stick for kissing assassinations is a hallmark of suicide balmers.

16.) So winter starts in January now. Thanks Big Coal, Big Oil, etc.

17.) Let’s start our own college, Libertine University, with blackjack and hookers. On second thought, forget the college.

18.) A team of superheroes with music powers called “Major Seven”.

19.) People pretend you can master life & control your fate but nah. It’s like a Nintendo fighting game, mash the buttons, hope for the best.

20.) Deviantart was really disappointed when it found out “Enter The Dragon” was a karate flick and not a porno.

21.) Understand your limitations. Then find things you’re awesome at and do the hell out of those things instead.

22.) There is no creature more hypocritical about sneezes than the cat, he sneezes, it’s no thing. I sneeze, he thinks I murdered something.

23.) An indie director Leni Riefenstahl did an amazing doc about Trump rallies called TRIUMPH OF THE WILL. Artsy black & white stuff.

24.) Lent is all about life in the fast lane.

25.) If only the fate of the world weren’t on the line, a Hilary vs Trump campaign WOULD be the most insanely funny thing ever.

26.) Well, this was my best day at being somewhat funny on Twitter. It’s all downhill in life from here.

27.) FAKE MOVIE FACT: No one wore underwear on the set of COMMANDO.

28.) If a clumsy woman falls in love with a butcher after falling into the deli case, is that a meat cute?

29.) An app for Tolkien fans to meet up for casual encounters called Lotr.

30.) It’s weird following youtube presenters over the years and watching them go bald before your eyes.

31.) Pugs are bread in dog form

32.) We oughta have a 2nd Vice-President who has no responsibility other than being chill & blocking Paul Ryan from the White house.

33.) I still say “emoji” should be the word for a really depressed djinn instead.

34.) I’m sexy as hell but mostly for my ideas. I’m, like, a thinkpiece.

35.) Dub the trailer for POWDER w/ terrible Boston accents. Call it CHOWDER. There’s no money it in but there’s no money in anything these days.

36.) Louie Anderson’s teeth are unnerving. There. Someone finally said it.