1223 in idea barrages

1.) Turns out Razzles are neither candy NOR gum. Razzles are a legume.

2.) Having your disputes settled by ents is binding arbortration.

3.) When I’m a pin-up model for my barrel-chested lumberjacky handsomeness, I think I’ll go by the nom de guerre “Thickerbod Crane”.

4.) Never understood how everyone else wanted to be Han. Screw the attitude the charm the cool car, I wanted to move stuff with my mind.

5.) Maybe Kylo could use a time machine to bring his hero Vader back then they could team up as Ren and Stumpy.

6.) I hate it when I have a friend request from someone whose name and face I don’t recognize but someone with whom I have a lot of mutual friends. Were those friends just auto-confirming? Am I insulting a cool person? If I confirm, will I just start getting linked to ads for sneakers and sunglasses tomorrow? Modern life is rubbish.

7.) An album of Tuvan throat singers covering Metallica songs called “Fade To Yak”.

8.) Now we need fans to remake the Star Wars Holiday Special in chunks crowdsource style. Let’s yell at each other in monkey suits.

9.) As time moves forward, Alice Cooper and Svengoolie are on a vector to be identical twins in 15 years.

10.) I would have started a Hipster Kylo Ren account but someone already started an Emo Kylo Ren account, it’s probably too close.

11.) In BATMAN WITH GUN VS SUPERMAN WHO MURDERS promo material, why do they keep positioning Wonder Woman so the Bat logo gives her cat ears?

12.) A BDSM-themed Eric Clapton cover band called “Derek and the Dominatrixes”.

13.) The “7 Ways Hilary Clinton is Like Your Abuela” thing. Is one of the ways “had sex w/ Bill Clinton”? I mean, it’s probably true.

14.) Open a beauty salon named Big Primpin’.

15.) The fact that “trim” is a slightly obscure crude sexual term always makes Christmas rituals weirdly hilarious.

16.) A Christmas carol about sharing the holiday with a Mexican wrestler called “Santos Baby” would be pretty rad.

17.) Lacrosse would probably have a better following if we’d call it “Rich People From Long Island Beating Each Other With Sticks”.

18.) I will not be ruled by fear. When I am I’m one-tenth of myself. I’ll be ruled by joy, even if there are those who’d gain more from my fear.

19.) Let’s shrink the power of corporate America so small we could drown it in a bathtub, to use the language of the enemy.

20.) This being the end of the Christmas shopping season, I am feeling maudlin for the defunct chain bookstores of the San Fernando Valley.

21.) I wonder how much money facebook would actually lose if it would add the “Block All Games” button I so desperately want.

22.) Don’t say “at least Trump is entertaining”. Only time he entertained me was that one time he stole Pee-Wee Herman’s bike.

23.) Being a doctor to elves can be a frustrating job but all it takes is just some little patients.