1020 in idea barrages

1.) The Trojan Centaur. When they check the horse, assuming it’s full of warriors, it’s empty… then our troops come pouring out the man part.

2.) Write a book about the trope of Adam and Eve dressing in leaves. Call it “A Thyme History Of Briefs”. Collect all the money.

3.) If they ever find a Turin-like relic of the Virgin Mother, I’ll have “Shroud Mary” written about it in like a day anna half.

4.) Take your autumn dried corn. Dye it splattered red. Call it “corn on macabre”. Collect all the money.

5.) Mister Peanut felt dead inside, a shell of his former shelf.

6.) Hipsters have moved beyond “netflix & chill’ and onto “wax cylinders & before it was cool” of course.

7.) Zombies are good listeners, they always wanna know what’s on your mind and they hope it’s ketchup.

8.) I open the door for the cat, he hisses and turns to me, as if I’m the one who made it cold out. Felix, this ain’t my doing.

9.) Struggling songwriters are reduced to desperate measures.

10.) A pop-up Renaissance Faire costume store called “Bard Bath and Beyond”.

11.) Dear Internet, near every time someone says something like “did anyone notice The Fresh Prince looks like Will Smith?” you’re being trolled.

12.) We’ve reached the singularity where “praying for the victims” means “I’m doing nothing about it because it profits me”. America.

13.) Folks excited for Star Wars 7 are like kids trying to convince themselves Santa’s still real after seeing Mom lay out the gifts.

14.) Men’s rooms w/ a toilet & a urinal but no divider still mystify me to this day. You can pee in a toilet. It’s not just for poo.

15.) Canadians are never not down for metrics and chill.

16.) A jar of pickles just asked you over for cuke sticks and dill.

17.) Forgive me if this is condescending but the bilingual campaign signs in Canada are legitimately goddamn adorable.

18.) If I could tolerate Billy Joel and actually knew what a Kate Upton was, “Upton Girl” would be a cinch to write.