922 in idea barrages

1.) The video game didn’t get Santa’s belly right, they need to improve their jingle physics.

2.) You know, though, if we found photographic evidence of Trump screwing a pig corpse, the right wing would just find it “edgy”. ALSO: Not enough crossover jokes about Hamm winning an Emmy and the British PM having sex with a pig. Twitter, you disappoint.

3.) By the light of the full moon, he became a selfawarewolf, very hairy and incredibly awkward about it.

4.) An album of Bryan Adams covering Taylor Swift would be better because then I’d know who at least one of the two people were.

5.) Buy some Sharpies. Quit your job. Travel the land changing “Pumpkin Spice” labels to read “Blumpkin Spice”. Save the world.

6.) Only one thing could cause her to forget how much she loved Roxy Music. The doctors confirmed it: she had glamnesia.

7.) So Apple Car, huh? It’ll be built so that when the battery dies, you have to throw the car away and buy a whole new one?

8.) Make sad soups cheerful by adding ebullient cubes.

9.) I love when politicians say they’re “suspending” their campaigns. “I’ll come back if you all like me enough!”