912 (my best or worst one in a while) in idea barrages

1.) Never forget but never hate blindly either. A handful of brainwashed zealots tried to light a holy war. Extinguish it with love.

2.) She listened to the Beatles all the time. She listened to the Stones quite frequently, too. She listened to Elvis… sparsely.

3.) If all the sitcom has left is the “star power” of the one guy from The Hangover the programming format deserves a mercy killing.

4.) Make a biopic called “Rags To Riches: The Bill Kotex Story”. Act convinced that was a real person.

5.) Yell through gross giant mouthfuls of cranberry sauce “THESE BEETS ARE REALLY WEIRD”.

6.) The moon is a hanger-on, dimly reflecting a fraction of the glory of the sun. Like if a character in ENTOURAGE were not a douchebag.

7.) Just pasting random lines over pictures of the Minions is a despicable meme.

8.) If airlines stopped feeding us so as to shut up hack comics, let’s face it, it was worth it. It was all worth it.

9.) Here’s my pitch: Blocktoberfest. We just get drunk and play with Legos.

10.) Every declaration of proactive war, since the invention of war, was really a declaration of empire. Always will be.

11.) Put how many times you’ve been rejected by McSweeney’s on your resume like a badge of honour.

12.) If I’m following Twitter right, Drake Mallard distracted Serena Williams from winning at tennis. I guess they DID get dangerous.

13.) Tragedies and disasters are not opportunities to get your brand some second-hand gravitas. This economic model bites.

14.) Mormonism is the fountain of Utes.

15.) A “dream board workshop”? How long do those last? “Paste clippings of conspicuous consumption on top of each other. Class dismissed!”

16.) Someone somewhere is naming a rave on the 23rd Freekuinox.