TTC Update & Baby Daddy Drama in My Metamorphosis

Geez it’s been like three months since I’ve updated. Sorry, my life is pretty repetitive and not really noteworthy. Well, I left off on here talking about TTC. Well we are on TTC cycle #3 and still nothing. I really thought I was pregnant this go round. I bought a massive pack of ovulation predictor tests and have like three different fertility apps to track my cycle. We did it on every possible fertile day plus the surrounding days to the point my husband was actually tired of having sex! LOL. Never thought I’d see him get tired of it. But it did get tiring and annoying.

So I thought for sure I’d be pregnant this time. But I started spotting yesterday, which is when my period was supposed to start and so here we are. I’m pretty bummed. I know Bradley is though he’s hiding it well, he probably just doesn’t want me to feel worse about it.

Otherwise life has been pretty anti-climatic. The summer was blur, school consumed my life. My contract unexpectedly did not get renewed, so I’ve been unemployed since July 1. Trying to find a job in this town has been impossible. Bradley has been busting his ass to keep us afloat and I’m really proud of him for being supportive of my scholastic endeavors. Speaking of which, I am in my last year of dietetics school! I will be done in the spring! Woohoo!!!

My monotonous life took a dramatic turn when my baby daddy (err.. what else could I call him? Sperm donor? Piece of shit? Whatever) looked me up on FB and randomly messaged me out of the blue. The last time I heard from him was 3-4 years ago when he FB messaged me bitching about how it wasn’t fair the IRS was taking his income tax to pay his back child support (he was $15,000+ behind at the time btw). I guess three years or so is the average time that I hear from him. So anyways he messaged me and surprise surprise it was because he had just received a letter saying his paycheck is going to be garnished for child support and he doesn’t “think it’s right that he’s paying for a child he doesn’t know/see/etc.” My response? I don’t think it’s fair that you abandoned your child and hasn’t supported her financially or emotionally for 11 years!!! Same old song and dance until he dropped the bomb that he wants a relationship with her now.

O_o

Umm ok? In my head I’m thinking “After years of me begging you to be apart of her life I finally gave up and told you not to even think about popping back in her life years down the road you piece of shit mother fucker.” But I was mature and way too civil damn’t. Apparently he’s been creeping on my FB for years to look at pictures of her..

O_o again.

Okkkaayyyy. So long story short, I was like “ok if you’re serious I’d be willing to talk to my husband about it and we’ll go from there.. ” He’s lazy. He’s selfish. I knew he wouldn’t be willing to put in the effort. We had exchanged numbers on FB, so I was shocked when the next day he texted me asking me my thoughts on the whole thing. ugh. I wanted to be like, ‘go the fuck away.’ But I told him I was still thinking and trying to figure out what was best for Cassidy.

Then a little while later I get a call from him.. only it wasn’t him, it was his wife.

Again O_o.

I dont know his wife. She doesn’t know me. And I was super shocked to get a random call from her. We talked for over an hour and it was her basically telling me she understands if I dont want to let him try to start a relationship with Cassidy and that she understands how confusing this all is, but he (baby daddy) doesn’t get it. Apparently Blake (baby daddy) doesn’t know she called me. Ok..

I went and talked to my pastor about it, I thought some spiritual guidance might help. It did a little. When I got home from meeting with him, I got another text from Blake asking if I’ve talked to Cassidy yet, but he’s not trying to rush me, blah blah. I asked him to tell me who he is as a person now.

Because the person that I know him as is not a person I want in my daughters life (I didn’t say that, but that’s what I was thinking). Although his wife talked him up like he’s some changed man, the Blake I know is physically abusive, controlling, lazy, selfish, manipulative, deceiving, unambitious, and basically a piece of shit I can’t believe I ever “loved.”

He didn’t respond to my question. And I haven’t heard from him since (though it was just a few days ago).

Bradley and I sat Cassidy down and talked to her about it. We basically just let her know that he’s reached out to us and would like to get to know her but that it was 100% her choice and that she doesn’t owe him anything and she can take all the time she needs to think about it, whether it’s a week or 10- years from now. She said she just wants to meet him once to tell him what a jerk he is.

O_o.

I had no idea she had a lot of anger towards him. I mean, rightfully so, but it’s nothing we ever talked about it. I’ve tried to give her the best life possible so she wouldn’t have that void, and then Bradley filled it and it’s never really been an issue. She’s never asked about him at all, fortunately. I think she would be mega upset to see who her bio dad is.

So we’ll see what happens now. Probably nothing. He lives 11 hours away from me, so if he even wanted to see her it would be on him. And I don’t see him making that much effort.