829 in idea barrages

1.) I wonder if Willie Nelson ever socked Kenny Rogers square in the mouth. Just really hauled off on him.

2.) Sometimes I wonder if we bankroll Australia just so America can say “Well, we’re not the MOST racist.”

3.) No British person has ever said “shite” unironically, they made it up & put it into movies to see if American hipsters would take the bait. SEE ALSO: “oh my giddy aunt”.

4.) When a conversation starts to turn into an argument, just start screaming “UNSUBSCRIBE!” over and over until they leave.

5.) Next time you’re asked “ASL?” reply “yes. anguish is my second language.” See if the conversation continues!

6.) As you pour ingredients into the food processor, yell “GET TO DA CHOPPA!” See if Food Network calls security immediately.

7.) All these people for whom being interesting was just a passing phase and now aspire for average, I must admit, I weep for ‘em.

8.) Mother Nature has resting birch face.

9.) Another mash-up that works impeccably: “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around” and “Ohio”.

10.) Is “Love Stinks” SUPPOSED to be the same song as “Crimson and Clover”?

11.) Scorched & soaked & folded, over & again. It hurts like hell to burn, it hurts like hell to bend. But then one day, you wake up sharp.