86 in idea barrages

1.) They say the Earth is flat because they need to believe they’re smarter than the entire collected intelligence of human history.

2.) I am goddamned adorable, other than all of my bad parts.

3.) The urge to view my life as a ball of wasted opportunities is great but if I managed to get chances once it means I can get them again.

4.) A Chinese restaurant where someone orders an egg roll and a giant egg starts rolling after them, like in Indiana Jones. Looks up at the giant egg, “That’s some really high cholesterol.” Pulls out a bazooka and takes aim, “Let me take a crack at that.” It’s a story of hard-boiled heroes living in a scrambled world.

5.) Is your zip drive broken? Use a compression bandage!

6.) You Only Destroy Alderaan - YODA!

7.) At the GOP debate, ask a question about tongue-kissing and see if any of them are screwed up enough to call it a “freedom kiss”.

8.) Simplicity can be an affectation too.