traveling barrage 3 in idea barrages

1.) Everything you think about parenting before you are actually a parent is just a bunch of preconceived notions.

2.) My favourite Christmas mash-up by far is HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY GRINCH.

3.) Seen on a truck: Cox Petroleum Hauling, We’re Pulling For America!

4.) The gas station says “racing fuel”. The corner store says “ice & ammo”. Mojave.

5.) EXCAVATORS! Diiiiiiiig up.

6.) “We May Have WW3 Surplus Soon” - an army-navy store sign in Mojave

7.) Go into an Elks Club naked. Claim to belong there. Scream “HERE’S MY ANTLER!” at the top of your lungs.

8.) Oh by the by, Boron California IS Night Vale, by the way. I seen it. California City might be Desert Bluffs but no blood on the walls.

9.) EVVVVVVVVVVVerybody must get scones.

10.) Make a tiny Titanic cake. Make an iceberg out of custard. Let the ship hit the flan.

11.) I don’t know what the BEST porn name would be but I’m certain the WORST would be Elmer Fudge.

12.) Nobody puts Baby Herman in the corner.

13.) Silverado/what do you drive that giant truck for/when your driving isn’t much more/than suburban L.A.?

14.) In this hotel, the hand lotion has a female symbol over it and the liquid soap has the outline of a wrench over it. Bleh.

15.) You hear that? Ken Jeong getting a sitcom about a doctor? That’s the sound of the bottom of the barrel finally scraping through.

16.) In Japan, The Bachelorette is probably called TELEVISED HAREM BATTLE and, really, that’s more honest.

17.) It’s hard to tell in reality shows if the actors just can’t act or if they can but have given up trying as it’s unnecessary.

18.) How many times do they have to resurrect the shambling corpse of Colonel Sanders? It has been wrong every single time.

19.) Video editing seems needlessly opaque, like how Egyptian scribes made hieroglyphs purposefully confusing to save their jobs.

20.) No battleplan survives contact with the enemy, no positive opinion of white people survives contact with reality television.