lazy barrage 3 in idea barrages

1.) The pan-flutist was of course asked to take a long walk off a short Zamphir.

2.) When a witch gets knocked up out of wedlock, they don’t call it a “shotgun wedding” of course, it’s a shame-hex marriage.

3.) There is no universal answer. There are no gurus. If you’re gonna find any answers at all, you’ll just find the ones that work for you.

4.) Am I the only one who opens up a bag of mixed Hershey mini-bars and is like “RELEASE THE KRACKEL!”?

5.) Hannibal Lechter traveling to the future to dine with Mr. Spacely. Meat, George Jetson.

6.) The Pilsbury Doughboy prescriptions are all “take as kneaded”.

7.) I’d change my profile pic to one of Rainbow Young in honour of marriage equality but only my Utica people would get it.

8.) Maybe they wouldn’t be endangered if coelacanths just started thinking of themselves as coelaCANS.

9.) I had kind of hoped that the osteopath had the ability to telekinetically lift bones.

10.) If you called your band “Ancient Astronaut Theorists” The History Channel would basically be a constant plug for you.

11.) There’s a difference between “love” and “ameliorating this person’s madness makes me feel useful”. Can take a lifetime to learn it, tho.

12.) On a scale of Completely to Completely, how ruined was your 90s Boner when you found out Janeane Garafolo is a Scientologist?

13.) I wonder how many of my friendships with other dudes have been strained by their ability to pretend they are deep and mysterious to women.

14.) Try getting out of a speeding ticket by saying “But AARP says 70 is the new 50!”

15.) She loved playing any kind of flute, she was a panflutist.

16.) People with that fetish where they like to have sex with cars must’ve been really disappointed by the show PIMP MY RIDE.

17.) If I knew someone dating a goalie, I would make “he’s a keeper” jokes CONSTANTLY.