523 in idea barrages

1.) The coolest opportunity I’ve ever been afforded as a performer is worth five weeks of the goofiest sideburns ever.

2.) Trance Formers: Activate Third Eyes.

3.) The perfect is the enemy of the good. The enemy of my enemy is my friend. The imperfect, therefore, is a hell of a friend.

4.) You’re a consciousness traveling around in a bag of meat for eighty or so years? Oh my God, so am I! It’s weird as hell, right?

5.) Be the only rapper at the Renaissance Faire. Call yourself Flava Glaive. Wear a damn sundial on a necklace, I don’t know.

6.) If you’re trying to win or leave a pretty corpse, you’ve got it so wrong I wanna weep. Do good, get all the memories, coast into the sun.

7.) My favourite Dr. Seuss book about atomic mutations is definitely “Oh The Faces You’ll Grow”.

8.) The most hipster you can possible be is to claim that you liked him back when he was still Squire Mix-A-Lot.

9.) Calling your dog walk a “mutt strut” is fine. Calling where you put your cars for it a “barking garage” goes over the line.

10.) We need a baseball advanced stat that shortens to gWAR.

11.) The cancellation of “19 Kids And Counting” provoked my first unironic use of the phrase “our long national nightmare is over”.

12.) Your site will consist solely of a loop of Brent Spiner playing a Rickenbacker, It will be called The Internet Movie Data Bass.

13.) Just once, before a boxing match when they say “the challenger” I want The Challenger to appear through a timewarp safe and sound.

14.) Nothing like having a teaser trailer so godawful you have to leak your pilot just to try and salvage buzz, eh, Supergirl?

15.) So it turns out the Anti-Christ was Guy Fieri. Guy Fieri. Who had “crap peddler with frosted tips” in the pool?

16.) The Lion King was full of simbalism.

17.) I love how the new Fantastic Four reboot has just given up and made The Thing into Rockbiter from The Neverending Story.

18.) A superhero whose powers change with the vibe of their location who can team up with Ben Grimm as “Person-Place and Thing”.

19.) If it’s on a laptop or desktop, it’s a program, not an “app”. Microsoft, there is no trying to be cool this late in the game.

20.) A busy productive and fun stretch of days but now, pretty much, wake up up Tuesday-ish.

21.) Does Pizza Hut still call its fake calzone a “Peezone” or did they realize that’s what R. Kelly calls his unmarked panel van?

22.) If Charlemagne had abolished the feudal system, we could’a been all like “Charlie Don’t Serf”.

23.) The left sells you war as freeing the oppressed & the right sells you war as killing heathens but the outcomes and the profits are the same.

24.) If we weren’t spending trillions on pointless quagmire wars, we could’ve fixed that train line, I’ll tell you that much.