428 in idea barrages

1.) Every commercial on the digital side-channels looks like a Tim and Eric parody of an ad. “Brain Fizz”. Jeeeeeeesus.

2.) As a big Built To Spill fan, I would like to be referred to as a member of the Spilluminati.

3.) Everything wants to explode. These cities, these trees, the very atoms in your bones. Everything wants to explode.

4.) An army mohel behind enemy lines in Afghanistan. “American Snipper”.

5.) Flip-side to “never start what you won’t finish” is don’t waste time on stuff not seeing through. Pick your windwills well.

6.) The bad news: nothing makes sense anymore. The good news: nothing ever did, you were just fooling yourself before.

7.) The American conservative movement is so incoherent, had Jesus been around in the ‘50s Ayn Rand would’a nailed Him up herself.

8.) Biology terms and sports metaphors got all jangled together when he claimed the eggs were “totally clutch”.

9.) Long as courts keep giving bad cops a license to kill by almost never prosecuting their murders, fact there’s some good ones doesn’t matter.

10.) The devout Christians opened an Asian restaurant by the seaside and called it “Wok On Water”.

11.) I love how the British try to trick us into thinking they’d call a flashlight a “torch”. They’ve really stuck to this prank.

12.) Then there’s the possibility that the world ended years ago and our shared denial was simply more powerful than reality itself.

13.) Demanding I donate to Nepal is fine, facebook, but the safe move when we should be supporting the people of Baltimore, no?

14.) Your mage will gain +3 for all illusion spells if he or she dons The Suspenders Of Disbelief.