I got my biopsy results a couple weeks ago. I’ve been meaning to update but I have been super down in the dumps lately and haven’t had the energy to do anything really.
Well I went back to the health department to meet with the OBGYN who did my colposcopy and biopsy. Ya know, I knew something was wrong but after being told by everyone “oh it’s probably nothing” I hadn’t really prepared myself for the worst. I was kinda expecting them to be like “oh it’s just some abnormal cells, they usually clear up by themselves we just need to monitor you by doing a pap smears over a course of time.”
So I was shocked when they doctor told me I had severe dysplasia and what he referred to as “stage 0 cervical cancer” or carcinoma in situ. In laymen’s terms, there’s a bunch of cancerous cells that I need to get rid of before it progresses to invasive cervical cancer.
I guess I should be relieved that they caught it when they did and it is very treatable. But I still can’t help but feel really devastated and overly emotional about my diagnosis. Like, why me? How could this happen? I don’t have HPV, the number one cause of cervical cancer, so why did this happen?
I’ve been trying to be positive about it, but it’s not working. I don’t know, it’s really hard to explain, I feel very inadequate and less of a woman. I just don’t know how to make sense of it all. I had a very hard time telling Bradley and my mom, and couldn’t even tell my dad. I know it’s not a death sentence or anything and everything should be fine after treatment and follow ups, but I’m still upset about it.
On the positive side, I don’t know if I mentioned in my last entry, but this all happened somewhat by chance. I was just going to the health department for a BC refill. There they only do paps once every three years. When they asked when my last pap was, I said October 2013. So I wasn’t due for another pap for another year and a half. But, for whatever reason, they didn’t have record of that pap smear and said they would just go ahead and do one anyway. In general, cervical cancer is very slow moving. It can take years for precancerous cells to change into cancer. So to think in just a year and a half I went from a very normal pap to this, it scares me to think what could have happened if I waited until I was “supposed” to get my next pap, in Oct 2016. It potentially could’ve been way worse. So I am lucky that by divine intervention they went ahead and did the exam and caught it when they did.
Another good thing is, in Georgia they have a special medicaid for women who have been diagnosed with breast and cervical cancer who are uninsured. The income guidelines are much higher than regular medicaid so I am eligible. Thank God. That was a relief. I didn’t even know there was such a thing available, but they set me up with that last week and now I’m just waiting to get my card and stuff so I can get with a doctor here (since the health dept can’t do anything else at this point).
My family and Bradley have been really supportive throughout this whole thing. I’m so happy me and my mom are FINALLY at a good place now, having her here for me has really meant a lot. And I’m also thankful for the PB support! Thank you all who have been sending positive vibes throughout this whole ordeal.
Random side note, Bradley took Cassidy to the father/daughter dance for the first time last month. It meant so much to me and to both of them. They had a great time and said they were the center of attention on the dance floor lol.
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