No real artist (be warned, far too many photos of me) in The irresistible Urge To Play with Light

By now. I think it’s obvious that my outfit of choice at conventions is Dante.

Fig 1

A bit old-school now, not at the cutting edge of fashionable games and shows. Kind of like your dad’s old credit card– accepted everywhere, if with a little condescending sneer.

And clearly it’s not accurate.

The facings on Rebellion are not in line with those in the game. The trousers are meant to be a double layer, black leather over red, not black pants with red accents.

The guns are wrong too

Fig 2

I haven’t put ported compensators on them, or stenciled in the artwork and words on the sides.

The boots are wrong too.

And– horror of horrors– I’m not always in character.

Fig 3

I mean, sometimes I am.

FIg 4

And sometimes I really am.

Fig 5

(But not consistently, because I kinda smile too much, and insufficiently nastily.)

And all of this is because, simply, I don’t have the time.

So yeah. By some standards, that makes me awful.If I were judged by the standards of these people, I would fail any and every competition.

But you know what?

I’m not in competition.

I’m not in it for myself either. I mean, I enjoy putting the character on, definitely. But I’m not doing it because I’m looking for your applause, or your approval.

I’m doing it for your smile.

FIg 7

Fig 8

Fig 9

And not just these smiles, but all the smiles on all the faces that I have never seen again, people not part of what some call “The Coscom”, but I will, henceforth, see as nothing more than a playground centred around a very exclusive treehouse.

These smiles have weight. These people outside the playground, those people who don’t know about the treehouse or about the judgements about how you have to have the right build, put on the right makeup, and be pretty?

Fig 10

These people who show up at a convention without knowledge of the dark and vicious toxicity that those in the treehouse spew under the veneer of “standards” and the “reality” that you have to accept–

These are real people too. And perhaps they are better people, but at the moment, they are certainly not worse. Because they come in willing to be happy without having to step on someone else.

So my worth is determined by them. Not in their praise and worship, but in their happiness.

Because I don’t need your treehouse. I am more than a cosplayer; I am more than a photographer. I am a man of many parts, and I am greater than the sum of all the parts, and I will not allow the judgements of small and narrow people define my world into something tiny and petty.

If you tell me that this is a dream, that there are people who will look down on me because I don’t meet the standards they set, then I say “Sod ‘em.”

And if you tell me that this is reality, and that we all have to conform to this toxic reality rather than create a better one, then I say “Sod you too.”

All social realities are created by people, and people are nothing more than individuals making choices.

So make better choices.

Go, as I said, and make someone happy. That’s all that matters.

And if you can’t manage that, then at least attempt to not make someone miserable by being a jerk about things that don’t matter. Try it. It’s a bigger deal than you might think.

Fig 1: Photo by James Mac. Album here

Fig 2: Photo by Eu Kar Hei. Aalbum here

Fig 3: Photoshoot with Caffeine, by Nicholas Lee. album here

Fig 4: Photo with Eugene Lim, by Caffeine album here

Fig 6: Photo with Luther Loh, same album as fig 4

Fig 7: Selfie with Chelcy Wong Album here

fig 8: Selfie with Nadiah Brown and Caffeine,

Fig 9: Selfie with Willy Lim. album here

Fig 10: For various reasons I’m not going to talk about this one.

Last updated March 03, 2015